Loving & Living with a Soul

I started watching the Showtime "DEXTER" this week. Funny show to inspire my latest blog, I know...but the show got me thinking about having a "soul." The basic definition of a sociopath descibes them as being "souless" (my interpretation). Pretty scary. There was a time in my life when I remember becoming numb to my feelings. I also, remember a time in my life when I knew that I had to turn my feelings back on in order to LIVE. Of course my life was nothing like Dexter's. However, in some ways I understand what it is like to have something happen to you, then you shut down in order to protect yourself. I am not well versed in psychology which makes my ability to put into words the way I feel a little awkward. However, this show has reminded me that I do have soul and I am so grateful for the rich, loving, beautiful life that I enjoy despite a rocky beginning. 

I have often heard from various sources, that your childhood is the past and you should just get over it and move on. I am beginning to think that in order have peace in your adult life you have to embrace your childhood, the good, the bad and the ugly. Mine was not horrible, but it was unpleasant in many, many ways. I had to put up a wall between me and feelings in order to survive. Having my boys has been a huge healing in my life. They have peeled away many, many layers and have helped love in ways that I never thought I would ever be able to do. Watching them live in the moment, see their little faces light up over simple things...it is like putting balm on a very chapped soul.

Life is a mystery. The older I get the less answers I have. I had much clearer picture of life when I was younger and more idealistic (I believe that is the true beauty of youth, the ability to see life through rose colored glasses). Now I am all grown up and I realize that I really don't know anything about much of anything...but what I do know is what is important...forgivness, love, faith, being slow to anger, patience, practing the Golden Rule and the Ten Commandments. What people, places and things to keep out of my life and what people, places and things to let in.

I am inspired to enjoy the richness and beauty of the life I am continually cultivating.