Sometimes I find myself making so many decisions at once that I don't really think about it until I go to bed at night. I then run all the days decisions through my head and wonder if I made the right ones. Its mind boggling the amount of decisions one has to make especially when you are a mother. Not only am I making decisions for myself but I am also making decisions for my boys and sometimes my husband as well. Chris does not have a choice what he going to eat at dinner time. I make that decision. My boys do not (usually) have a choice about their schedule or education. Jettson has been asking me in the morning what we are going to do today. I have a fall schedule that I made at the beginning of the school year so it is pretty much decided what we are doing on any given day.
I have to make financial decisions like everyday---do I buy this today or wait? Is this sugar cheaper at Safeway or at Nob Hill? Should I buy in bulk or shop weekly? Should I really buy organic? Some things I have decided are worth it buying organic and somethings are not. I hope I have made the right choice. What are the boys going to wear today pants? shorts? Should I layer them? When should I go back to work? Should I keep waiting? Can we afford it? Should we vacation here at home or go somewhere? Long term decisions, short term decisions, important decisions, minor decisions, practical decisions, logical decisions, life altering decisions, smart decisions, stupid decisions.
It's all enough to make me feel a little ill. Its scary to think to about. I can only hope that the decisions I am making are going to make me a better person & my family better & closer. I am not positive that I am making all the right decisions. I can only hope that the ones I am making are made for the right reasons. I hope that if I have made a bad decision, that I can learn from it and use it as a lesson & try not to repeat it in the future.
The most important people to me are my children. I know that I will not always make the right decisions for the boys. I can only hope that the decisions that I am making for them, right or wrong will not send them to therapy.
2 comments:
Therapy isn't all that bad- it kind of helped me put things into perspective at a time in my life when I was unable to do so on my own, and didn't have anyone unbiased enough in my life to help me straighten it out. :)
I agree with you that it's insane how many decisions we have to make on a daily basis; or even how many decisions are made for us because we don't make any decisions. I am constantly having to reevaluate what is important and what is not; what is worth a discussion and what is not meaningful enough to make a big deal out of it. Am I going to let Dylan do something or will it send the wrong parenting message? I try not to worry- but I feel like I'm totally going out on a limb and hopefully it will all work out. I'm trying to raise my son so completely differently from the way I was raised, so I don't really have my own childhood to use as a role-model- except how NOT to do things.
Yep, me too...
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