Feminism Frustration!!

Whew! I am so angry this morning. I have been reading a magazine called "MORE" it is geared for women over 40 (I will be 40 November 2009). My neighbor subscribes to the magazine and I needed something to read while Jettson was in his karate class. Since I am a mother of two energetic boys I am not able to read a whole magazine so I have been reading it one article at a time. The article I happened upon this morning is titled "Are Younger Women Trying to Trash Feminism."

Please bear with me here as I am having wave upon wave of thoughts & opinions on this subject. It all ties in with Palin, Hilary, Mothers, Daughters, Teenage girls, ALL WOMEN KIND.

Let me back track. Last week a good friend of mine said that she had read my blog and gave kudos for my writing and themes. However, she said she needed to point out that I had contradicted myself with regard to my feelings about S. Palin and a prior blog that I had wrote with regard to working outside the home. My dear friend said that in my prior blog I mention how I would love to be the one to go off to work everyday and let hubby be home with the boys. However, in the blog about Palin I point out the fact that Mrs. Palin is working outside her home and I am not sure that she can raise a family and run a country (I still feel this way) my friend pointed out to me that Mr. Palin stays home with the children full time (at the time I was blogging about Palin I am not sure I was aware of this fact). I do think that is wonderful that one parent is home full time. Hopefully, I clear up my true feelings about this now. I do believe that at least one parent should be the primary caregiver. Whether it is the mother or the father. It is my personal opinion. Of course single parents do not usually have this choice and I understand that a single mother or father has a unique and complicated situation which usually has them playing both mother and father at times. I have family members who are single parents and I am always impressed with their dedication to raising their children, working & keeping up with it all.

But I digress back to the issues. The two women who are being interviewed by "More" are Linda Hirshman (64 yrs) & Rebecca Traister (33). Both are writers and both write articles on Women's Rights, Feminisim & Politics. I am 38. I was born in 1969 to my 16 year old mother. One of the subjects these two women discuss is about the movie "JUNO." Hirshman thinks the movie is a travesty. She feels that in 2008 it is such a blatant disregard for what feminist fought hard for, The Right to Choose. She feels that a 16 year old girl (the girl Juno is 16 for those who have not seen the movie) can be sexual with out having a baby (the reason we have abortion rights or the morning after pill) or having to give it away. I thought it was the RIGHT TO CHOOSE? We have the right to have a baby or not have a baby. I feel that this Hirshman woman is putting her ideals and values on us if that is what she would do at 16 then more power to her but not all Women feel this way? And why should we? I was under the impression that is what the feminists fought for the right for all women to have a choice? I did not realize that the only choice was feminist choice of abortion. Thank God my mother made the choice to have me otherwise I would not be here today. Do not misread me for a minute. I believe in the right to choose. I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with Owen. I was angry that my body dispelled a pregnancy that I wanted but my body said "no". It really changed my views on abortion for many reasons (which would be whole other blog, another time). I have a hard time with abortion being used as birth control but I would never want to go back to "wire hangers" or "backdoor abortions" I personally feel that an abortion is a medical procedure and the government has no right dictating what I do with my body with regard to medical issues.

The real issue for me is at the end of the article Hirshman accuses the daughters of feminists for having recreated the 1950's and not only that but the 1950's sitcom. WHAT? She goes on to question why a woman would stay at home and make herself dependent on the goodwill and material success of another human being (obviously she means a man), and to cut herself off from the security and opportunities that a public life involves. She said during her research for her book "Get to Work" that she was very surprised to see women in their late 30's early 4o's who had grown up after the first blast of the feminist revolution living very different lives from what she would have expected from them. In other words she found a slew of ME (s), Stay at Home Moms riding on the coat tales of our husbands. The younger writer, Trister sumed it up for me. She responded with the thought that the feminist movement had fought for the daughters to be able to make choices to stay home or not stay home, work or not work, have babies or not have babies, as well as men being able to do the same thing.

This is what I would like to make clear for myself and for Mrs. Palin, Mrs. Clinton and for all women kind. WE HAVE A CHOICE and that is what Mrs. Clinton, Mrs. Hirshman and all of the other mothers of feminism fought for. They fought for us to have choices. Not just the obvious choices, but we now get to be creative with our roles as wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends. We can choose to run a country while our spouses or partners stay back to help raise our families. We can keep our baby at 16 with the full support of our families without feeling like a total outsider or sent off to some Catholic Women's Retreat. It is no longer taboo to work outside our homes or inside our homes while we raise a family. WE also have the choice to stay home and raise our families, it is not a luxury, people it is a sacrifice! I hate, hate and let me stress again hate when women say "oh, you are so lucky to be able to stay home." Let me say this once and for all "NO I AM NOT! IT IS A F*&^ING JOB JUST LIKE YOURS." When I said in another posting that I would like to be the one to work outside the home and let Chris stay home with the boys ,I meant it. However, for our family Chris makes more money then me. We would be in poverty if it were up to me to keep our family going. We both made the choice that one of us needed to be with our children. The job is mine and one day it might change. I want to thank women like Hershman who made it possible to have these choices. Just because I choose to take on the more traditional role of wife and mother does not mean for one second that I am trashing what our mothers and their mothers fought hard for me to have, it means I have a CHOICE to be anyone I want to be, it means I have a VOICE with my spouse that I am not less than he, but that we are partners in this life we are creating together.


Lastly, get so angry that women trash men! Let me give a huge shout out to my husband. He works sometimes a 16 hour day and will ALWAYS come home & take out the trash (without me ever having to ask) take the boys outside to play, give the boys baths, & put them to bed. He always thanks me for making dinner. He does his own laundry, folds it and puts it away. He thanks me for staying home with boys & never takes it for granted. He has told me that he knows that I am sacrificing right now and that he is always here to support no matter what I choose to do. My husband is wonderful! We are partners.