Motherhood

I just finished the book written by Brook Shields about her journey through postpartum depression. It was a very insightful look at what the depression looks like and how a normal person went through a very tough time. In any event, the book made me think of my own journey that I went through while pregnant with Jettson and the after effects of having my first child. It made me think of all the new things that my journey through motherhood had taken me. Since Jettson and Owen have been born I have done the following;

I have had two c-sections, breastfed, formula fed, used bottles, pacifiers, both sons suck their thumbs, used organic and non-organic products, made homemade food, frozen food, bought chicken nuggets at McDonald's, pureed veggies and sneeked them into my children's food, I have co-slept, slept alone, slept with one child, one child and a husband, two children and a husband, two children while husband slept in another room, all of us in one bed, just me and my husband, I have bribed, scolded, spanked, used time out, been mean, been nice, have growled, been sweet & kind, I have been patient and impatient, I have been a teacher, a nurse, a judge, a lawmaker, a chef, a financial manager & a playmate. I have used bad language before, I have apologized, I have never withheld food cuz I am always trying to get someone to eat the food that I have made, watched the clock, stayed up too late and regretted it cuz someone was up not feeling well for the rest of the night, I have been barfed on & have had a sick child throw up in my face, I have laughed so hard at one of my son's antics that it has brought tears to my eyes, I have made mistakes that I wish I could take back, I have also made choices for my children that I am really proud of, I have stayed at home, worked, put Jett in daycare, pulled him out and stayed home again, put him back in preschool with success, worried like there will never be a tomorrow, have had pure joy that I have never experienced before, felt love that I never knew I could feel, been so angry that I have made sure that a doctor knew and took medicine so that I could be a better mother, I have read the whole book and skipped lines in order to get a kid in bed on time. I have given up everything in order to gain everything.

People say, "these are the best years of your life" and for the first time I really believe that. I have learned more about myself as a mother then I have in any other role I have ever had.