Jettson: Mom, Are we Real?
Me: Um, yes.
Jettson: What makes us real?
What, indeed makes us real? This is one of the many, amazing conversations that I had with my darling, little 6.5 year old this weekend. Of course, I immediately thought about the story of the "Velvateen Rabbit." One of my all time favorite stories.
Today's blog post is all about the "real" me. Here is what I have been thinking about this weekend....
The Baby I lost this year:
Sometimes...I think that I would know what we were going to have by now...a little boy or girl...I would be 3 months away from having our third baby...I know it may not be what anyone wants to hear...but that's where I'm at right now...everyone is annoucing the gender of their unborns and new babies and while I'm extemely happy for my all my friends and loved ones... it's very hard for me right now not to think that, that could have been us too...
I wonder sometimes...what the little bean would have been a boy or girl...so does Chris. It is a weird space to be in. I know that later in the year I will be thinking...this was my due date, or they would have been 1 month old today or today would have been his or her First Birthday...crazy I know but I cannot help but think these thoughts and if you were in my shoes you would most certainly be thinking the same thing.
How can I be a better mom:
I have some good friends who know me, the real me...the me, that has a hard time "seeing the sunnyside of parenting" sometimes. There are days when I feel chained to my house, to my kids, to my husband. That is the real me, that is the real truth.
However, when I write about the good days, the good times...it changes my frame of mind and helps me be a better mom. There are some days when the sun does not shine...but those days are not many, there are mostly sunny days, for that I'm grateful. My hope is... that at the end of the day I learned a little more about me...about my boys and how I can be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, and a better sister.
What makes us real? I have to admit, I'm not sure? What I shared in this blog today is pretty real and maybe even a little raw. Peeling away the layers, and exposing what really lies beneath...perhaps, that is what makes us real.
xoC
2 comments:
It took me a long time to stop remembering those dates. "Should have been" due dates, "should have been" birthdays, etc. It only occasionally hits me, now and then. It gets better with time.
I love that you have these kinds of conversations with your son- it makes me look forward to Dylan getting older. :)
Christy, someone described Aimee once as a person with no guile, that is transparent, and open-faced, and childlike. What you see is what you get. It's refreshing to meet someone with no hidden agenda, or wearing no mask.
And that's who you are, and that equals a REAL person, instead of a phoney.
Love you, and feel the ache you still carry on inside you.
xxooMary
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