Living a Creative Life By the Sea, With Boys!

FALL

2011-10-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

Good morning. Fall is in the air. Summer came and went. School is in full swing. We are well into our schedule and I finally feel like I can catch up on other areas of my life, like my blog!

Jett and Owen are growing at an amazing, fast forward, lightening speed! Owen turned 4 in September and Jett is going to turn 8 in a week! I can't believe it. I remember when Owen was born dreaming about the day when the boys would be 8 and 4. I thought that it was such a long way off and that those would be magical ages. Now, here we are! And it's magical. The boys are such great little kids. They are happy and pretty well adjusted. I know I'm painting a pretty picture, but believe me, we've worked really hard to achieve it! My whole goal in this moment in time is to create some pretty awesome human beings. They both love life and all that it offers. It's pretty neat to watch the world through the eyes of your kids. I'm really trying to make a conscience effort to let the boys show me everything about life while they can. While they still want me in it.

My journey into motherhood has been bumpy, but I'm happy to report that I finally feel settled and am enjoying the ride.

I also recently, started a new direct sales business called Stella and Dot http://www.stelladot.com/sites/ChristySHadland. I love it!! I'm having lots of fun with the jewelry and learning about running an online business. I know it's direct sales, and I never thought that I would find myself doing something like this. However, I really love the line and the company. They have a very different approach to the whole at-home-party-direct-sales-thing. They mail directly to the customer, so I never have to deal with inventory, returns or any of that mess. There isn't a "sales pitch" or "presentation" I love that!!!!! I love to wear jewelry, I love their product, so why not wear fabulous jewelry everyday, meet awesome women and go to parties! Sounds like heaven to me! (I'm such an over thinker and get heavied out by the messes of the world, that I need a creative outlet to be fancy, pretty, shallow, drink Champagne & eat cupcakes).

So that's a little of what been going on around here in the Hadland Household. I know I've been MIA again, but there has been so much "growing" going around here that I needed some space to just let it all happen.

I hope your having a great Fall and have a very safe and fun Halloween.

xoxoC

PS
I'm posting my pancake recipe today in my recipe section of my blog. xoc

Weekend Bliss

2011-05-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

Finally! We had a family weekend. We've not had one in a while. It's been crazy busy around here, as I'm sure it's been at your house too. The older the boys get, the busier we get. I'm trying so hard to slow things down, but geez....I just cannot seem to make that happen.

We took a drive yesterday to Greyhound Rock. It's a little drive up Coast Highway about 1/2 hr outside Santa Cruz. You take a wee little hike down to an amazing beach. We had fun tide pooling, shell hunting and other follies. We each just strolled the beach finding our own little treasures. The boys were so happy. At certain times I looked at my boys and true happiness filled my soul. I still pinch myself. I cannot believe these little creatures are mine! I'm a very lucky girl indeed. Truly, life cannot be measured by what kind of house you have, what kind of car you drive or the clothes you wear. I'm so happy that I learned that lesson very early in my life. I do not care for earthy riches, they are nice and I enjoy them when they are around, but the true riches that I posses are my children and my husband. It's not an easy place to, get to but I tell ya, when you get there it's the most beautiful place to be in.

A few thoughts that I had this weekend:

1. I love my boys.

2. I'm grateful for this moment in my life.

3. Nature is magical.

4. My husband is my best friend.

5. Patience is learned and I must practice it all the time.

6. When I'm happy my boys are happy.

7. An organized life is a happy life.

8. I really do not like Mondays.

9. I love to exercise and I like to eat...the two cancel each other out ;)

10. Life is a mystery and I'm grateful that I have another day to discover all it's beauty, good, bad and ugly.

Irene Shorter

2011-04-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

My last living grandparent died this month, April 19, 2011. She was my father's mother. I have so many wonderful memories of my Grandma Shorter. She was a very elegant woman. She was always well groomed. I remember every Friday was her hair salon day. She would go and in and have her hair washed, sometimes trimmed, rollers put in and then it was under the heat dryer for an hour or so. Then the hairdresser would do her hair just so. I remember accompanying her from time to time to one of these appointments. She always looked so grand and beautiful after. Her makeup was done, her nails. She always smelled of jasmine. She had a presence about her. I only knew her to be calm, sweet and gracious. A true southern woman.

She would randomly take me for over night visits to her house. That's when she would teach me how to embroider and sew, with the sound of "Love Boat" or "Fantasy Island" playing in the background (it was the 80's). I treasured those times with her. She was a safety net for me during a time that was not very pleasant for me at home.

She loved to cook Sunday Supper and lay out her best Franciscan Desert Rose dishes. She loved strawberries, her kitchen reflected this love and the Franciscan Desert Rose dishes looked very much like the blooms from strawberry plants. Whenever I come across these dishes I'm reminded of her.

I was only around her as a child and teenager, so I was never able to appreciate any stories she may have told me when I was little about her life. I wish I could have spent time with her as the adult I am now and found out more about her life. She will now remain a lovely, mystery to me.

It's always a strange feeling when someone you've known your whole life passes away. A part of my childhood has passed along with my grandmother. I feel very blessed to have had two sets of grandparents (material and paternal) and have had intimate relationships with all four of them. They took up the slack raising my sister's and I when our own parents were unable to do so. I learned how crochet, sew, cook, clean, embroider, be crafty and creative from my lovely grandmothers. These wonderful gifts I now posses are all thanks to them so there is a part of them that lives on in me.

Been Awhile...

2011-03-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I lasted posted. I've been a little busy with a community project. Our little beach town of Capitola By the Sea is going through some changes. You can't see them yet, but the whole community is on the cusp of making some changes. Our City plan is outdated (1989) and it needs to be overhauled. Thankfully, our city leaders are reaching out to the community and wanting our input. I love our little, sleepy beach town. People come from all over to vacation here. It's a great place to raise kids, especially, boys! However, with all the surfing and skateboarding that takes place here, our community of Capitola still lacks a skate park for our kids. I have been actively working with another mom, Emily to get a skate park built in our city. It seems like the time is right to have the park built. There is a lot of support for the skate park as well as opposition. Not to bore you further with such ramblings but it's what I've been up to.

The night we went to City Council to request our issue be put on the agenda for discussion, was the same night Japan was hit with the 5th largest Earthquake and Tsunami in our world's recorded history! I felt a little silly the next day. In the wake of what is going on the world... fighting with the city to get a skate park built seemed, well, trivial. I have felt pretty bad for what our fellow citizens of the world are experiencing at this moment in time. The world seems a little crazy right now. I am so GRATEFUL for life at this very moment. Life is unpredictable, as much as we like to try and predict it, it somehow always laughs at us and proves to us that it's much stronger than we are. We are survivors and I know that Japan will get back on it's feet again...but it's going to be a long time. Our little family has a soft spot for all things Japanese. Jett practices Karate, we love Japanese food and we some Japanese friends. So our hearts are heavy for the people of Japan. Of course when things like this happen you get all sorts of questions from your kids. Jett has been asking some big ones!

Jett: Mom, where did the ocean come from?

Me: Well, there was a Great Flood and it made the oceans.

Jett: Is that how we got fish? All the people drowned and turned into fish?

Me: *laughs* um...well, all the people died but a few... and fish evolved from...from...well, they just evolved.

Jett: What? Mom, none of that makes sense.

*Laugh* *Chuckle* *Sigh*

I hope that your day and week is happy. Let's be grateful for life and take time to reflect on what's really important. Our loved ones. Peace to Japan.

xoc

Haircut Time--Owen's First Haircut

2011-02-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

After 3 1/2 years, Owen Sterling got a haircut! We've been talking about it for weeks. Owen has been crying at bathtime about having his hair washed, brushed and lately, braided. It got too long not to have it contained somehow. The final straw was Saturday. Daddy took the boys skating and then to lunch at McDonald's. Jett got a car in his Happy Meal and Owen got a *gasp* a fairy doll. Jett was devasted! He came home and said "Mom, mom! They gave Owen a barbie! A barbie, mom! That's it...we need to get his hair cut, I'm tired of everyone thinking that my brother is a girl!" So....yesterday afternoon we took a family trip to the hair salon.

Look at that beautiful long blonde hair...*sniff, sniff*

He wasn't sure what to think about it all.

Gone!

Here he is Owen Sterling Hadland! My boy! He wanted a fauxhawk. He's wanted his hair like this since Jett got his hair cut last fall. I'm still trying to get used to it. He looks so grown up now.

xoc

Jack the Cat

2011-02-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

In 2001 my little sister came to live with me. However, when she came to live with me she had to leave her little dog behind. She was so sad and I was sad for her. Even though she was in her 20's at the time and capable of being a big girl, I felt bad for her, so I decided that she could get a cat. She was so excited. Even though I already had a crazy ass cat, named Fiona (seriously, this poor Siamese/Himalayan cat was just nuts...she had some sort of feline induced schizophrenia!). A friend of mine at the time just so happened to have 6 week old kittens. My sister let me pick out the kitty (she had a work commitment and was not able to pick out her kitty), this most likely was a huge mistake, because somehow this little kitty and I now had a bond. I mean, I chose him above all the kitties in the litter. A few weeks later I brought Jack home for my sister.

A few months after my sister got her feet she and Jack moved to their own apartment. Then the news came...Jack was not welcome at my sister's new home. It had something to do with the fact that, NO ANIMALS WERE ALLOWED in my sister's apartment. Somehow, she forgot this important contractual detail when she secured her apartment. She got found out and it was either her or Jack. So of course, since I was the one who picked him out, I was the obvious choice. Jack was back. Needless to say, Fiona was not happy. I was half and half. I loved Jack, but I never planned on having two cats. Fiona was an inside cat and Jack decided that he wanted to be an outside cat.

Shortly, after Jack came back to live with me, Fiona got depressed. She did not like having Jack around and it made her feline schizophrenia worse than ever. I had such a hard time for awhile, I really wanted to keep both of them, but due to Fiona's depression she ended up living under my bed for about month. She got a little feisty, scratching me if I tired to coax her out and the like. I finally gave her away to another cat person who was more able to take care of a high maintenance cat like Fiona.

Jack and I had a happy time for awhile. He and I got into a groove.

In the winter of 2003 I got pregnant with Jettson. I was a little more than preoccupied with my new bump and sorta put Jack at the end "pay attention to" list. Then one day, hubs asked me if I had seen Jack? Jack was prone to taking off for a day and returning late at night or early morning so I hadn't noticed that he had been gone for a few days. Panic set in, our first thought was a raccoon had got him. We have a nice little pack of bandits who occupy our nearby "woods" (really it's just an over grown knoll that we refer to as the woods). We hunted around for him, asked around for him...no one had seen him. At which point, we began to think that he may have been struck by a car. We get a lot of traffic at certain times of the day and evenings just below our condo. A month or so went by and we had no clue what had happened to our sweet little Jacky. This was a big reason why I did not not an outside pet. It's too unpredictable to have them outside. I could not contain Jack to the indoors no matter how hard I tried. And now my worst fear had come to pass, surely he was hit by a car or the pack of 'coons got him?

By the Fall of 2003 we still did not know where Jack went. We talked about him from time to time. I would still call for him in hopes that he would return. Our neighbors asked about him. By Halloween night I was swollen with baby and ready to pop, but hubs and I still wanted to be a part of Halloween, so we ventured out to downtown Santa Cruz for a night of head turning, and eye popping costume watching. We got home just before midnight. As we were walking up to our front door....we were approached by a tom car apparition, who very much looked like, Jack! We could not believe our eyes! We kept calling him and he would meow back at us. It was a Halloween miracle! He came inside and we kept asking him where in the hell had he been these past 7 months?! He was meowing his responses to us...of course we could not understand a word he meowed to us. Jack was back, again.

The next morning, Jack wanted to back outside. I was sad. I kept telling him that he needed to stay in with us, it was dangerous outside. Something had changed with Jack. He somehow seemed older and wiser...he grew up and I had to let go, again. I worried all day wondering if he would come back, he did and has every day since.

About a week later we had found out what happened to Jack. There was a crazy cat lady in our complex. A little girl had come up to hubs and asked him if the black cat was his? Hubs responded with yes...the little girl went on to say that there was an old lady moving from the complex and she wanted to take Jack with her. Hubs could not believe what he was hearing. The little girl told hubs that she has had Jack for months and wanted him back! Hubs told the little girl that she could go tell "crazy cat lady" no, and that Jack was our cat, that we had been worried about him for months.

The facts are, Jack is a cat and he really doesn't belong to anyone. He was picked out by me, loved by my sister, he's fed by the neighbors, sleeps at home most of the time, but he has multiple beds around the neighborhood. He has a few names, Jack, Boots, Changes.

How do you Discipline?

2011-02-01T10:46:00.000-08:00

I saw a story on "The View" this morning about a woman who disciplined her lying son by putting hot sauce on his tongue and then placed him in a cold shower. Yikes! The boys was adopted from Russia. Here is the full story Hot Sauce Mom Accused of Child Abuse.

After reading this story and watching the video I'm sickened. What about you? This poor child is coming from Russia for Pete's sake. He has already suffered (not just because he is coming from Russia, but you get what I'm trying to write). I'm not saying that some sort of discipline should not be administered, but terror as a form of punishment for a child who clearly is already a handful does not seem like the answer to me. I'm not sure what the answer is, but clearly, this is not the answer!

I feel for the mom. I will no way defend what she's done. I mean, we have ALL (and if your the one saying "not me"...then you shouldn't be reading my blog...go somewhere else...like...where shit smells like roses, comes to mind) been at our wits end with our kids and have done things we are not proud of. In no way do I want to point a finger at one mom--- when I know my tactics for disciplining have been less than stellar. However, for this particular mother, it seems to me that she might have used other tactics for a child who has already suffered.

Disciplining children is a tough job. It's not easy. I know from my own experience with my difficult child, that the more angry discipline tactics I used in the past, the worse the behavior became. The moment I stopped to listen to my son about how we could solve our discipline issues, there was a huge shift in our relationship.

I have no idea what's the right way to discipline. I was raised by circus people and gypsies, so I have had to completely reinvent the wheel. There are so many personalities to consider, the parents, the childs'---it has always made sense to me that one size does not fit all in how to rear a child. However, causing terror, pain and suffering at the hand of the one person you are to trust the most? That, my friend does not make sense to me at all.

What do you think?

How do you discipline?

What would you do to discipline a child who was lying?

xoc

Good Mornings

2011-01-27T10:36:00.000-08:00

Surprisingly, we have been having the best mornings ever! I have no idea how it happened (well, actually I do know how it happened but I never thought it would be this good).

Let me back track here with a little history...since I can remember I have been reading magazines, books, and now blogs on tips about how to run a household and more importanly, how to run a household smoothly. I have always held an image in my head on how it "should" be. I have never really had a plan on how to make the "should" image happen. Until this year. I decided that I needed a plan. So, I gathered up all the advice I've read over the years and put it into action AND that fits my life style. The "Plan Ahead" mantra is now in my head.

*Another little note... in my opinion...advice is like a really great Italian suit...you have to tailor it to fit you and your life...one size does not fit all.*

Last year, was chaos. Every morning, I felt stressed out trying to get kids ready and out the door...it was a mess. Sadly, it usually, ended with yelling and rushing out the door. Poor Jett! By the time he got to his classroom he would be so angry at me...then there was the cover up..."geeze, have no idea why this kid is so grumpy? maybe he needs more sleep." I knew that he spent at least an hour in the morning after an episode like that picking up the pieces from our chaotic morning. Believe me, when I write that I felt like a loser, a terrible mother...and whole other slew of self deprecating thoughts. The thought that got me the most was, "what the heck is wrong with me and why can't I seem to get it together?" The answer that I would answer back to myself "because, your LAZY!" Simple, sad and true. I knew that I needed to get off my duff and make some changes.

*Note...last year was our first year getting used to the whole school scene...so I give us a little grace (well, I give myslef a little grace)*

This year, I was determined to make things better.

Here are some things that I do now that have made our mornings a lot smoother:

I treat Monday through Friday just like a job (Mom, Inc.). We have a pretty strict schedule. I really try not to fly by the seat of my pants (even though there are days that I do...but because I planned in advance for that too...it's not as bad as before). Since, the boys go to bed between 7:00 pm and 7:30 pm, we only have 4 hours to get stuff done for the next day and the time flies by! So I have to be on my game if I want the next day to run smoothly. My day is sliced up into chunks...or blocks of time. That has helped me organize my time better. So rather than getting overwhelmed by the whole day of what has to be done, the block of time approach has helped me stay on track.

I have a carpool pal. He and I have a good thing going! He has every Monday and Tuesday (we alternate Wednesdays) and I have every Thursday and Friday.

*If you do not have a carpool pal, get one! Really, I have two mornings a week when I do not have rush out the door (that is the block of time I use to get all my household stuff done) and every other week it's three days! The mornings I carpool are my workout & errand running days*

My planning for the next day begins right when I pick up Jett from school (I know a little sick, uh?). I make sure we empty his backpack right when he walks through the front door. He knows this is the drill now. I immediately take out his lunch box, empty it and start filling it with all new snacks, I clean it out and switch it out if I have to with a clean one (we have 2 so that I can do this if I need to). I pop it in the fridge, with the plan to make his sandwich right after dinner.

The next thing I do, is organize all paperwork. I read everything right then and there, pencil in stuff on calendar, recycle paper for artwork, all homework goes in a folder, I sign papers, write checks and pop it all back in Jett's backpack. I usually only have to do this on Mondays, but the point is I do it right away to keep it all moving forward.

Pretty much doing these little things has helped our mornings run more smoothly. There are still times when things are a little hectic...but they are few and far between now. What is amazing about having a plan...is how much better the boys are! That's the reward. I know Jett is so much happier...his actions tell me so. Actually, both boys have been telling me lately, that they are happy. That's all the encouragement I need to stay on track and focused. Even though there are days when I feel like I'm living in the movie "Groundhogs Day" I know that the payoff is huge. If the boys are happy, then I'm happy.

What about you? What do you do to "Plan Ahead"?

xoc

Is it Live or is it Memorex?

2011-01-25T09:05:00.000-08:00

Back in the 70's (wow! am I dating myself or what?) there was a commercial in which Ella Fitzgerald held a high note for a long period of time until her voice broke a wine glass. While she was doing this "live" a recording was being made on a Memorex tape, then the tape was played back and the "recording" was so "live" sounding that it too broke a wine glass. The Memorex recording was so good, that you could not tell the real thing from the recording.

The other day I was thinking about my "real life" and my "blog/internet life." Recently, I have added real world folks (people I see in my "real" life) to my Facebook page and some have visited my blog. I started to wonder about my two lives and if my "real life" mimics my "Memorex" life? It was a "reality" check, if you will.

My whole quest in life is to lead an authentic life. I want the life I lead here and the life I "really" live to be the same. I would cringe if someone thought that they were not one in the same.

It would be really easy to write my life better or worse than what it really is. The thing that I find hard about writing is making it plain and simple. I don't want my children or readers to read between the lines, unless I intend it. I don't want a lot of double talk. If I write that I had a bad day...then I really did have a bad day, I really did yell at the boys, I really did feel sick over it, I really did ignore my hubs on purpose, because I was mad, I really did cry over the fact, that sometimes things don't turn out the way I want, and there are times, when we really are cashed strapped. If I write that things are going well, then they really are going well. I believe in the power of words, so most of the time I try to write about the good stuff rather than the bad. There is enough bad news in the world and not enough good news. Sometimes, I would rather write something positive and believe in it...to make it so...does that make sense?

All this "thinking" led me to this post. I truly hope that my online life is exactly what someone would find if they ran into me at the beach, the mall, the grocery store or here at home.

What are your thoughts about your online life and your real life? Is it live or is it Memorex?

xoc

What's In and What's Out

2011-01-18T10:58:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of the school year (roughly) Jett decided that he was going to wear a fauxhawk (for those of you who are not aware of what a fauxhawk is...it's a way of spiking the hair into a mohawk with out actually shaving the sides of the head) to school (he only wore it to school, never on the weekend). I thought that there must be some sort of fad going on at school and he wanted to get on the band wagon. However, this was not the case. Jett, unknowingly, became a little trendsetter (even though the trend has been around for awhile---but none of her school pals were sporting the look). While on Winter Break the fauxhawk took a break as well. When it was time to go back to school Jett said he "over it" and no longer wanted to wear the fauxhawk. When I asked him why? He said "there are some other kids wearing them.. and that he was almost out of hair gel...and he was now a rocker boy...and he needed to wear gold chains and a really cool baseball hat." Hilarious!

I had no idea that we would be going through "fashion phases" so soon. I thought this was something that happened when the little tyke became teenager. He wore his hat and bling one day to school and his teacher said he could only wear it on the playground...that did not sit well with Mr. Jett. He told me he was "over the whole thing" and is now just back to "normal looking Jett."

I love the fact that Jett is willingly to branch out. He's not really shy or afraid, but he's a normal kid and if he feels like he is being made fun of or that he being told he can't do something then he will let the whole thing go. I just wonder what's next?

xoc

Mommy why you Naked?

2011-01-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you...but I'm a bed person. I love my bed! I love what it represents...it's otherworldlyness...I love to dream...I love climbing into clean sheets...I love to wake up and wonder what the day will bring...ahh...bed...I keep two wonderful, down comforters on my bed and I use high thread count sheets. I love to take a bath or shower just before bed, crawl in and go off to other places...It's my escape.

Now, that I have a husband and kids it adds to the fun. The boys love my bed as much as I do. They join me every morning for cuddles and talk. Jett usually tells me about his dreams and Owen just wants to get warm and be close to mommy.

Saturday morning was no different...both boys came bounding into my room...like little puppys scrambling for warmth and love. Both were talking a mile a minute and this is how it went:

Jett: Mom, so, we are born babies, then we grow old and die...do we come back as babies again? I mean, where do go? Do we come back to this planet or are we born to another planet?

*in the meantime Owen is talking at the sametime while Jett is asking me existential questions*

Owen: Mom, mom why are you naked? Mom, why you always naked in bed, mommy, why you don't have on jammies and I do. Why you not have a diaper mommy?

Jett: Mom are you listening to me?

Whew! I looked over at the clock and it was just barely 6:50 am!

Me: Jett, mommy believes that when we die we go to heaven. Remember, we talked about heaven when papa Bill died? Owen, mommy's clothes fell off in the middle of the night and I need to go put them back on, and no, for the last time... mommy does not wear diapers, mommy wears panties.

Jett: What? heaven, you said that it was another planet?

Owen: Oh, you don't wear diapers! I get it.

Me: Jett we just die and I'm not really sure where we go...Owen, glad you get it.

Jett: What? You mean I'm going to be stuck in a cemetery forever!?

Owen: Mommy, why you still naked?

....Mommy really needs some coffee and a moment....I think my eyes were still sealed shut from the night...maybe I was still dreaming?

That's how my Saturday morning started and I would'nt have it anyother way.

Happy Monday,

xoc

On the Road Again...

2011-01-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

"I just can't wait to get on the road again...hm mm...hm mm...hm mm...just can't wait to get on the road again." Thank you Willie for such a catchy tune. Hubs is a pilot. When we first started dating he asked me if I could handle being with a pilot. I'm an adventurous gal. I love to travel, I have a gypsies heart. I lived for 5 years out of a duffel bag...I think I was made to be a wanderer.

The months of December and January tend to be a lot of travel time for hubs, which turn makes me want to pack up and go too. However, the months of December and January are not really good times for us to pack up and go. There are the holidays and now with Jettson in school it makes it a lot more tricky to make plans. Hubs is a corporate pilot, so I don't think the CEO's and CFO's and General Managers would'nt take too kindly to the boys and I tagging along, no matter how much we would love to.

Jett has been asking me where we're going to go for Spring Break and actually, I've been wondering the same thing...where to go, what to do? At this time in hubs new job we can't really go too far, however, Northern US has been calling my name since last spring. I really want to take the boys up to Vancouver and Victoria Island. Seems like a doable trip...but not sure it's realistic for a one week road trip? I went on a road trip up there in my 20's, and if I remember correctly we were gone for almost 2 weeks. That seems more like the amount of time you would need for that type of journey... I know we can fly up there, but the point is to drive and check out all that I-5 has to offer in terms of scenic beauty. Jett mentioned Legoland last night and honestly, we had fun when we went, but I do not want to spend another family vacay at an amusement park. The funny thing is Jett will only ride a select few rides, so the rest is just a waste of time. Thankfully, Jett already went to Disneyland and Owen could careless about Disney or it's characters, whew! Owen would rather, like Jett go back to Legoland. I really want the boys to see the US and experience travel vs. commercialism in the form of amusement parks. Sadly, it's my fault for letting the kids watch Nickelodeon...now they want to go on a Spongebob Cruise...heck no!!! There is no way I want to spend thousands of dollars on a cruise with Spongebob or Mickey Mouse...no offense to those who do...it's just me...and I'm thinking when I hear these commercials blare out..."trip of a lifetime with Spongebob and Patrick" I can't help but think of it being the trip from hell for me... I know, I know...I've heard the whole line "but the kids will be entertained the whole time and being doing kid stuff, while you are lounging around the pool." I'm a freak when it comes to leaving the boys...so, yeah, that would not work for me. I would have to be with them the whole time and again, I do not foresee a happy time me hanging out with Mr. Krabs and Plankton, unless of course I'm completely intoxicated and stoned...which, perhaps would be much more entertaining than I'm giving it credit for...but I digress...

Where to go, what to do...that's what's on my mind today...so if any of you out there in the virtual world have any creative ideas, that would be easy on the pocket book...please, don't hold out on me.

With that...I will bid adieu...with hubs being gone...I need to use my time wisely and go finish the never ending...always-one-load-away-from-being-done...laundry.

xoc

The year in review--2010

2011-01-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

2010 is over and for some if us that's a huge relief! I know it is for us! Overall, it was a good year, but there were a few moments that I'm glad are now a memory.

A few highlights from our year include a trip to Legoland, a family trip to Idaho. Jettson completed Kindergarten and started 1st Grade, he did his first ever session of Littleguards and loved it! Jett turned 7. Owen turned 3 and is talking up a storm. I have slowly been building my crochet/knitting business. Hubs got a promotion, he is now the Cheif Pilot at Granite Construction the youngest cheif pilot they have ever had! And that friends are just the highlights. We have had our share of ups and downs. The only thought that I have about 2010 is a general feeling of being blessed. The biggest lesson of all that I feel I've learned this year is to keep short accounts with those I love and let the bullshit go. Sorry for the foul word, but it seems to sum it up completely.

Legoland!

Jett's last day of Kindergarten...love the looks on their faces!

Jett's first day of 1st Grade

Daddy and Jett on the last day of Littleguards! They swam in the ocean together!

My darling boys! on Owen's 3rd Birthday.

Jettson turns 7!

Jett helping mommy work.

One of the best photos of Owen in 2010!

Ten lessons I've learned this year:

1. Uniforms are good!

I have one for the gym, school & going out. I just add accessories to change it up.

2. I really don't care what others think about me as long as it's good!

I've always maintained that I don't care what others think ,but that's just a load of BS. I do care to some degree, but what I've learned this year is that I care that others see me as a thoughtful human being. That's what I care about, that's what I want others to think about when they think of me.

3. I have given over to my job as wife and mother. It has taken me a long time to get to this point and I admit that for the first time in 7 years I look forward to everyday with my boys and husband. This has not just been a lesson learned, this has been a hard won acceptance, and I'm not ashamed to write it or express it.

4. Life is long and short at the sametime.

5. The day will come when I'm going to die and so are the ones I love and care about, therefore I have learned this year to keep my accounts with people short, because I never know when that day will come. I want to know that the last words I said to anyone were kind and loving, or at least an apology for being an a$$hole.

6. My relationship with Chris, Jett and Owen is the #1 priority in my life. What matters to them matters to me. Nothing else in this world comes before them.

7. My relationship with God is tight.

8. I have accepted that there is an artist in me and I want to keep that flame burning.

9. I love to exercise, as long as my iPod list is charged and pumping, then I'm happy to be at the gym.

10. Exercise has helped me learn all the above ;)

Lastly, I learned to so much about myself through my blog and those who read and respond. Thanks. This blog is mostly for the boys to one day read and look at, and maybe get to know their mom a bit better. I'm looking forward to 2011. It already feels bright and happy. I know there are going to be some rough patches here and there, but with the lessons learned from last year I feel prepared for what lies ahead.

Happy New Year's Day.

xoc

Fun idea for your Christmas Bar

2010-12-22T09:51:00.000-08:00

I thought this was a fun way to display candy canes...all you need is a glass, sugar, candy canes and marshmellows.

I scooped the sugar in the glasses then placed the canes in the sugar...viola! Instant bar fun. BTW...the choclates I got at Trader Joe's they are salted caramel and they are divine!!

Merry Christmas!

Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo...

2010-12-14T11:56:00.000-08:00

December has been fast paced! I bet for you too. The month got off to a quick start with Christmas celebrations starting right off the bat. We had a Christmas party on December 4th! The boys were invited too, it was a school night, so the boys and I had to cut it short. It was fun seeing the boys get so excited for the festivities to begin. I like to consider Thanksgiving to New Year's a Season--a season of parties and fun. For me it's not just Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day or New Year's Eve or Day...it's all the fun that leads up to those moments that I love the most. I love the "getting ready" part, every bit as much as the actual event we are getting ready for. I really want my boys to enjoy all the moments that lead up to the big the moment, otherwise what's it all for?

December also kicked off with my dearest cousin and friend, Kim G. having a pretty good scare...(I know she won't mind me writing this...) she had a pretty good size cyst on her ovry. The doctor said the "C" word and we all had a moment of a little (ok--well a lot) of concern & perhaps a panic attack or two. Thankfully!!! Christmas came early for her, her family (and me too, because I can't stand the idea of anyone I love or anyone for that matter having to deal with something like cancer!) the cyst and ovry were removed--clean bill of health, no cancer! The whole moment taught me that life is way too short and we are all just ticking time bombs. It seems like at times life is long and sometimes very, very hard...then something like this happens and you realize that life is short, fragile, precious and very, very, sweet. We had a happy ending and Kim is doing great and feeling so much better! She was able to come see me just a week after her surgery and have a night out celebrating Christmas Cheer!

My dear mother in law took Jettson, Cousin Kayla and I to San Francisco to see "A Christmas Carol" at the American Conservatory Theater. It was an adventure to say the least! I try to get to San Francisco for Christmas---but sadly, we have not been for the past two Christmas'--just not enough time---and hubs flys every Saturday in December until Christmas, which means I'm usually left to do Christmas stuff with the boys alone. The City by myself intimidates me. This year I really wanted to take Jett to the city thankfully, MoMo made it happen. We both forgot what the traffic and parking can be like! We thought we had left in plenty of time to have dinner at Max's Opera Cafe, however, the traffic was a mess--once we got to the city we could not find parking for under $50...so we drove all around the theater district until we finally found a flat fee parking garage for $13! Jettson loved the city!!! He said his favorite part were the street singers, dancers and musicians. He told me the next morning that he was changing his current desired occupation of Lifeguard when he grows up to a street singer/dancer/musician---oye! We had a fun time and I know Kayla and Jettson had a great time. San Francisco is so beautiful during the holidays. The hustle and bustle made it feel like Christmas. If you have not gone yet this season...do try and make a trip to the City, won't be disappointed.

Everyday I have been a busy bee...all hat orders are done and sent. I'm now working on my own gifts for people on my list, cookies are being baked and popped into the freezer along with other goodies, gifts are wrapped and the house is shaping up for upcoming parties, family and friends coming over for visiting and good cheer.

How about you? How is your Holiday Season shaping up? I hope that we are all having fun and not stressing. I hope your season is Merry and Bright and most of all I hope that Peace and Health are happily taking up residence in your homes and lives.

Photos of our month so far:

Cousin Kayla, myself, MoMo and Jettson

Owen!

He loves his Santa hat!

This is hilarious...Jettson constructed this wedding ceremony and placed it under the tree...the details of this cracks me up endlessly!

Owen's decorating contribution to the tree...

more of the wedding...

My best friend and cousin---Kim G. and myself

We are some happy girls!

Christmas tree in Union Square

A very grainy pix of Jett and Kayla in Union Square...someday I really should take a basic photography class...I have no idea how to use a camera and it shows ;)

Mistletoe and Hot Toddy's

xoc

Holy Holidays! Batman!!

2010-12-01T09:06:00.000-08:00

Are you into the holiday spirit??? I know I am! The boys are too, and even the big boy is being a little merry. We have been having a blast decorating, cooking, eating and being merry!

Our Thanksgving was lovely and quiet. Personally, I love having dinner...well at, dinnertime for Thanksgiving. I am not into prepping all morning and eating at 12 noon or 2 pm. It's just not my thing. I love having the table all set with candle light and music. It's what my soul craves. The inlaws came for dinner, even the brother in law and cousins popped in for a bite to eat and merriement. It was nice and sweet.

As some of you already know I am a Thanksgiving baby. I was actually born on Thanksgiving Day at 3 pm in the afternoon. The story goes that the whole family had to wait to eat dinner until I arrived. I weighed in at a whopping 8lbs (almost as big as a small turkey!) my family likes to joke that I was the Thanksgiving meal that year of 1969! Every year my birthday comes on this family holiday and it's usually overshadowed by Thanksgiving. However, this year I must say was the best birthday ever. There was no pressure for a big party (like last year), there were no expectations. Lesson learned!! When there are no expections things can only be turn great! My dear friend Selena invited our family over for a birthday dinner along with another dear family of friends, the Rightmyer family. It was really a fun, festive time. I am grateful to be alive, to be healthy and happy. Jett asked me several times what I wished for, for my birthday and you know after 41 years of living this life all I wish for is peace, health and happiness. That is all I want, that is my wish and I feel as though that wish has come true for this moment in time.

Now we are onto Christmas! We already have a packed schedule with a Christmas party tomorrow night, San Francisco on Saturday. My mother in law got Jettson and cousin Kayla tickets to go see "A Christmas Carol." Exciting events going on around here. Not to mention it's been cold as well, which has added to the Spirit of the Season.

Here are some random pics of our Holiday Weekend:

um...lately, this is how this little rascal has been greeting me in the mornings! I can't get him to keep his pants up! Stinker!

My little Indians. We have been watching Peter Pan a lot--they love the indian scene.

Happy Holidays!!

Mom, Inc.

2010-11-16T09:59:00.000-08:00

As a mom who does not have a j-o-b outside the home...I'm often asked...what do you do? I often reply with, "what don't I do?" My job title of "mom" I wear many hats...we all know that...and for those of us who are SAHM....we know what they are...and even the mom's who do have j-o-b-s outside the home, it's just another hat they wear along with all the other hats. The fact is I DO have a j-o-b. I'm the CEO, CFO and Department Manager of my Home, Mom, Inc. My job starts every morning at 7 am---Monday through Friday (I work a 7 day week but I have been able to strech out at least a one hour later start time on weekends). I work at least a 12 hour shift and there are times when I have had to work a 24 hour shift. I work rain or shine, in sickness or in health, in sadness and happiness.

Practically, speaking I have taken my role as "mom" and have treated it like a "real" paying job. I think what I find hard about my job is being taken seriously. There are very few of us who ever get a pat on the back for a job well done, and perhaps that is part of the problem...in most jobs there is a reward for a job well done...there is motivation. I know my motivating factor should come from my children, truth is, that is not always a motivating factor. Modern Motherhood has changed drastically from the past few generations of mothers. Us modern mom's today have college educations and most of us have worked in the corporate world, we have had careers, we know how to work and we know how to run a business.

Just because I'm no longer part of the "work force" does not mean I'm not a working force.

I think that part of the problem is me. Perhaps, it's my attitude about my job that has given it less meaning. Let's face it, when someone asks the mom next to me what she does for a living and she declares she is the Cheif Financial Officer for XYZ Company...it sorta makes me feel a little awkward. Lately, I have been thinking "what if I started treating my SAHM status like a profession?" I mean, the job I am doing is not small feat. I along with the rest of mother kind are working on raising the next President of the United States, the next Secretary of State, the next District Attorney, or your next door neighbor, your daughters boyfriend or husband, the importance of this cannot be stressed enough! I am creating the next work force. The next generation of human beings who can be productive, behave with integrity, kindness, wisdom and love. It's not an easy task. It's not an easy appointment. I need to treat this job with the professionalism that I would treat any job that I am given to do.

I have been stewing on this for a few weeks now. It seems like, in our culture, that being a mom is a lifestyle choice. Who in their right mind would really choose motherhood as a profession? I mean wome have fought very hard to make sure that I did not end up just a "mom" or just someone's "wife." Yes, I chose to have children, yes, I chose to stay home, and yes, I am blessed to do so...but let's not forget even Oprah said that being a mom is the hardest job in the world!

A friend of mine loned me a book called "The Wife at Home; or Pratical Hints to Young Females on the Duties of A Wife, A Mother, and a Mistress of a Family" By Mrs. Taylor of Ongar---Boston Published in 1837!!! One line from the book---Mrs. Taylor writes "the mistress and mother of a family occupies one of the most important stations in the community." I will write a little more from this book as I read it. It is a treasure! A treasure and I'm grateful that my friend lent it to me. There was a time when being the manager of home was a vital role to society and in some parts of the world it still is. Somehow, we women, got off track...what I'm about to write will not be popular, it's not PC, it's not, how shall I say...a feminist thought...but somehow, we as women have decided that being a mother, a wife, a household manger, if you will...is somehow degrading. Today, this day 16th day of November---I declare that it is NOT! No matter how humble a job it is--it is the most vital job in our community! As long as we women see it that way--- so will the rest of soiciety. Because of our mothers and the job they did for us...we now have that power to change the minds of men. Do not think me ungrateful for the feminist movement---on the contray...I would not be able to write what I am writing today if it were not for our female movement...We---you and I have to change the preception out there and I think we have begun that revolution so that our sons and daughters will know that being a parent is the highest ranking position on earth!

Last year I read and article in More Magazine called "Are Younger Women Trying to Trash Feminism." Basically, the article came down to this for me...Hirshman (she wrote the book "Get to Work") accuses the daughters of feminists (you and I) for having recreated the 1950's and not only that but the 1950's sitcom. WHAT? She goes on to question why a woman would stay at home and make herself dependent on the goodwill and material success of another human being (obviously she means a man), and to cut herself off from the security and opportunities that a public life involves. She said during her research for her book "Get to Work" that she was very surprised to see women in their late 30's early 40's who had grown up after the first blast of the feminist revolution living very different lives from what she would have expected from them. In other words she found a slew of women...you and me, Stay at Home Moms riding on the coat tales of our husbands. The younger writer of the article Trister, sumed it up for me. She responded with the thought that the feminist movement had fought for the daughters to be able to make choices to stay home or not stay home, work or not work, have babies or not have babies, as well as men being able to do the same things.

My friend/cousin has been sharing blogs with me lately. Wow! My socks were knocked off by this great blog...I'm sure some of you are already aquainted with her...Simple Mom.net. Here is a great link on her blog. She IS a writer and she sums up what I'm trying to say in a very eloquent way. I read her blog way after I had already started this post. I was happy to find another mom, a writer had found a way to put what was in my head in writing. It validated what I have been thinking these past few weeks.

I still desire to have a career and want to be a "breadwinner" but at this time in our family's journey it seems like someone needs to be home and tend to the children. I know now, that it's choice that I have made to use this small window of time to raise my children and to do it with all the same energy that I would give any career. SO... The next time someone asks me what I do for a living... my positive, proud response if going to be---My job is MOM.

What do you think?

Lots to chew on and I'm not at all positive that I have really been able to express fully what I think about this subject and I'm sure I will be taken all wrong...but I have been, as said, "stewing" on this for a while and I thought it was time to go ahead and throw it out there.

Have a great week...are you prepping like I am for Thanksgiving? Nuts, uh?

xoc

Reality

2010-11-10T12:36:00.000-08:00

Lots of thoughts are rolling around in my head...I'm still working on a 2 part Blog post---but it's just not ready to post. As I looked at the state of my house today---I thought "this is reality...real people live here in my house---there are four of us and each of us are doing something different." There is only one "me." I do not employ household help (although, trust me I wish I did!!) it's just me...trying to "do it all" just like you. As I was roaming around the house doing "stuff" I thought..."you know I'm going to take pics of my house just how it is right now...not perfect (far from it) and very well lived in---and know what---it's okay." So all my dear readers and blogger friends...here is the reality...I would die if any of you thought I was perfect or had it "all together" we are all in trenches together trying to be moms and doing all that goes along with that. I'm really trying not to sweat the small stuff enjoy life just as it is...imperfect. I really hope that 1) this blog post makes you feel better about your own humble aboad (perhaps mine is in worse shape than yours and now you feel great about where you are in your household chores ;) and 2) makes us a little closer---and feel like you got to know me a little better. xoc

My $250 couch I bought 6 years ago and recently was able to find a couch cover off of Craigslist for $50! I'm challening myself to see just how long I can strech it out before we need to get new one ;)

The more I try to keep this space up the more Owen drags out toys to play with...so now I just leave it---until I really can't stand it.

Not too bad...

at least the dishes are sorta done...

Hubs hates this corner but this is where some of best work gets done...

I try to make the bed once a week...on the day that I change the sheets...obviously, not a sheet changing day...lol.

The boys room...nuf...said.

And then there is the guest room/laundry room/craft room/dump all the crap that I can't to right now room. Unarguably the worst room in the house. Look at that mound of laundry that needs to be folded and put away...I bet if I was not on the computer right now....I could be doing that...but what fun would there be in actually doing that?

Bags of yarn...that I need to get put away...hmm...

Now there, doesn't that make you feel much, much better!! *Smiles, hugs and kisses*

xoc

I'm working...

2010-11-06T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have friends who have put in some hat orders---just so you don't think that I have gone MIA...I'm working away and trying to get some stuff out as early as the beginning of the week.

Jett kills me...he is handcuffed...so you can see I have been working away on orders...Bunny...Cupcake hats galore...

I have yarn everywhere...hubs is just slightly annoyed with me...

Needles and yarn, oh, my!

I did manage to get the Halloween decorations off the mantle and put up Thanksgiving decorations...

This wall is driving me nuts!!! I have wanted to take everything down for a year now and paint the wall a cigar brown---faux leather...but have yet to do it...after seeing this picture...I swear it's on my short list of things to do!

I love my bull head...he is just adorable...Can't wait to dress him up for Christmas.

This was a Cupcake hat that went wrong...it was suppose to be for a 9-12 mo old and it has ended up being mine...I added a broach to it...love it! BTW---The Cupcake hat is used with scrap yarn...I put it all together and wind it into a skein...it just as thrilling for me to wind the skein together as it is for me to work it up into a hat.

This is for Sarah! Hope she loves it as much as I do...I came up with the pattern on my own ;) I need to write the pattern out...

Just some photos on some stuff I'm doing...xoc

Birthday Wishes to Jettson

2010-11-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

Seven years ago today my life got turned upside down in the most wonderful, amazing, frightening, fantastic way! My first son was born, Jettson Cruz Hadland. I will never, ever forget this day...the day I laid my eyes for the first time on Jett's little face. He suprises me everyday. He has grown up so much and made such huge improvements over the years. I am so excited to see who this little guy grows up to be. I'm proud to be Jett's mom. I'm so happy that God has entrusted me to raise this great kid. Happy Birthday Jettson!!!

xomom

An old cell phone pix.

Making a mask out of a tortilla.

We have had so many bad haircuts over the years...he was 5 the first time he actually had a real haircut by a professional...it's safe to say that I should not be trusted with hair cutting shears.

Right after his baby brother was born...he loved Owen from the first time he met him.

Classic Jett...

Our Little Guard.

Today his birthday.

Happy Day of the Dead

2010-11-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! This year we were the Ninja Family. It's always a challenge to get the boys to pose for a photo...but we were able to pull it off. We had a fun day of parades, trick or treating and hanging out with some wonderful friends. Tis' the Season...I am taking down all the Halloween decoratios today and getting the house ready for Jett's 7th Birthday and Thanksgiving. Always fun times.

xoc

Family Life

2010-10-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog it was Monday October 25 it's now Wednesday October 27th! I just can't seem to get it together this week...I actually have a whole other blog title that I want to post but I'm no where near done with writing it and I think it has to be done in two parts. How's that for trying to bait some readers?

We have had two wonderful, relaxing weekends in a row! How did I get so lucky? I have made a lot of progress on hat orders! It's been nice just hanging out at home and enjoying family time. Even if all my hard work from the week gets demolished in two days... it's worth just being together. We have been having lots of family time. Just us...being, creating, cooking and hanging out. All my favorite things to do.

Friday night Jett had a Belt Promotion ceremony at his dojo. For those who do not know Jettson has been taking Karate since April. He has moved up 2 belts since. He loves it and if I might say so myself, pretty darn good at it. Karate has given Jettson the ability to focus and be able to regulate himself. It's so amazing to watch your child do something they are proud of and take seriously.

The boys have had many projects of their own going on. They bulit a treehouse with dad, built a knox box (is that what's called?) garden in our community area on our condo property. Here is a great plug for living in the Capitola Knolls. When Chris and I purchased back in 2000 we had no idea how wonderful it would be to live here and raise our boys here. We have about an acre of empty community property that we have been able to utilize. At one point the undevelopled area was suppose to be an area for family gatherings such as bbq's and the like, but they company building the condos at the time never got around to it. It's such a lovely area---we call it the "woods" there is actually an wise old owl who lives back there, along with some very naughty racoons. We have enjoyed condo community living over the years, and now with all the real estate issues and the economy we are grateful that we bought when we did and where we did. We have the added bonus of having everything taken care of, landscaping, maintenance, pool and spa with all the upkeep that goes on with that, our houses were just repainted. Our Condo Association has done a wonderful job keeping our property looking amazing. In any event, we are just so happy when we come home. Best of all the boys always say that they love their "house." That is the best feeling of all.

This is a portrait of family life...the comings and goings of four individuals...I think that it's amazing that throughout the ebb and flow of a day each person's needs are met through food, the comfort of a hug or kiss, talking, creating and connecting.

Here are a few pics from our weekend:

The "treehouse" it's more like a tree seat. Jettson drew up plans to show his dad so that he knew exactly how to build it.

He is singing in his treehouse.

Daddy and his boys hard at work on the garden.

Owen taking a dirt bath.

He was so dirty and all the other brown stuff you see is paint!

Abada and Jettson right b4 belt promotion.

Test 1

Jett and his friend Matthew with their new belts.

Have a Happy Rest of the Week. xoc

Tracy Porter in Santa Barbara CA

2010-10-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

As most of you know by now I'm a HUGE fan of a wonderful designer named, Tracy Porter. Two weekends ago, I was lucky enough to visit her store in Santa Barbara, CA. What a joy! What breathtaking beauty! Each piece in Tracy's store is a piece of art!

Robyn Mockus (Tracy's sister and a business partner) and her husband George are the retail managers of her new store. They are just too good to be true! What a lovely time my aunt and I had. We were able to take our time,chat with Robyn and George. We felt as if we had known them for years. We shopped for a bit then went to lunch...we returned for about 2 more hours! I could have stayed in the store for hours more.

I love that you feel at home in her store...you don't feel rushed or pressured to buy anything, however, there is not a chance that would happen...you want one of everything! I love that each piece of clothing is a work of art and go with other items in my wardrobe. I chose a lovely black, courduroy blazer with black and white french lace, called "Into the Night." Love it! (sung in Tracy's signature operatic voice!) I love that you can go in and buy a whole outfit or choose one item from the collection and work it into the rest of your wardrobe.

I love, love the Tracy Porter message... that we are beautiful and that everyday is special and when you add one of Tracy's designs to your outfit you have lifted yourself to a lovely level of inspiration and creativity. I got the feeling from her store that each person is important and that she is not just trying to sell you something, you are getting more than a thing or item you are getting a feeling, an emotion, if you will, that goes beyond just marketing.

I tried uploading a photo of the blazer but it only shows the back...

However, the back detail is what sold me. I love how it nips in at the waist. It is a forever, classic piece. If you get a little shopping fever do look up Tracy Porter and give her a try. I love that her designs inspire a more artful style of dressing.

If you are in the Santa Barbara area this weekend check out the Tracy Porter store on State Street.

Take a peak and drool. xoc

Life is Messy, But Someone's Got to Live It!

2010-10-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

Life is Messy, But Someone's Got to Live It! I find myself repeating this little made up saying. I think that I find myself most of time thinking that things should be perfect, and for a moment in time they are then, snap! Just like that something unexpected happens. Someone dies, milk gets spilled, car accidents, a fued between a spouse or a loved one, laundry piles, bills need to be paid...perfection for a moment is lost and life gets a little messy, things get out of place and for a brief moment chaos wins.

My sweet, dear hubs was raised by Ozzie and Harriet. His life was picture perfect. He had a dad who was there for him, a mom who stayed home and took care of him and his younger brother. My hubs has told me that he only once ever saw his parents bicker. Such a contrast to my life....I was raised by gypsies and circus people! My life at one time or other was either a Shakespearean comedy or most commonly, a tradgedy! Poor hubs, he cannot relate to the twisted tales of my childhood, it just does not compute.

I recently read an article on FB about perfection...sadly, I do not remember the link or I would share it. In any event, basically the article is about our pusuit of perfection. When life is humming along beautifully, it's awesome! I love it! I thrive, it almost seems perfect---but then there are seasons when life gets messy and I really miss the hum of things going smoothly, perfectly, if you will. Pursuing perfection is sometimes not being honest about where you really are in life. My adult life has been a pursuit in search of being authentic, real and honest. With regard to that pursuit, I have realized, that I want my life to be picture perfect, but I'm not sure that is authentic or real. As far as being honest....I always pause before I make the decision to be honest with my fellow human kind (or motherkind) for fear of being judged too harshly. However, most of the time after I share I realize that I'm not alone in my imperfections, that one of fellow humans (mom friend or sister) was feeling the same way, and for a second we both help eachother up, dust ourselves off and realize that we have so many blessings in our lives and that's it okay for life to get a little messy. It helps us see our blessings and our humanness.

I wrote about the depo provera shot and the effects that it has had on me...then I wrote about my beloved grandfather passing...and lately, I have had to deal with the aftermath of his death. Lots of family issues. It seems though now I'm on the other side of the past few months of messes. One lessson, I'm constantly learning from my family, is what not to do. I actually am finding myself appreciating this lesson. I know that life gets messy, that it's not always easy, and it most certainly is not perfect. I'm okay with that. I am learning how to navigate my way through the messy moments in life and live through it with grace and aplomb.

xoc

Being

2010-10-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Our family just chilled all weekend...it was so nice to just "be." We have not done that in a while, a very, long, long while. We have been on the "go" since May...truly...we have had to be somewhere, an engagement of one sort or another...then all of our summer activities. Whew! Finally, just a time to "be."

I am not sure how you tick, but if I do not have a least one unstructured day a week I lose it...well, I have not had an unstructured day for MONTHS! Right now I'm in an "unstructured" kind of mood. I need time to recharge, time to think, time to create, time to focus on what's really important. We all do this from time to time...right now seems to be the time for me.

I have been working on fiber projects. I quite a few orders to fullfill and a timeline in which to complete it all. I just finished a project for my cousin Jenny. She has a friend, whose daughter was recently diagnosed with childhood lukemia. For more of her story clink on hre blog link http://noellyphillips.blogspot.com/. I made some hats, a scarf and I'm working on fingerless gloves. Here a few photos...

A stack of hats & scarf. I love the pom poms at the end. I'm waayy into pom poms right now. I really need to find a better way to take pics of my stuff...but it was midnight...so that's my excuse. And I'm a fiber artisit not a photographer ;)

Here are more pics from our low key weekend....

I made the boys new Halloween Hats...Owen's has a spider on the top.

Okay...this did not turn out the way I wanted...but he wanted a skull on his hat.

We went to Gizdich Ranch on Sunday afternoon...Owen was upset about something...I could not resist taking these photos of him.

Poor kid...he wanted juice and all I had was water...he lost it.

He finally put his thumb in his mouth and calmed down.

This was how we ended our weekend.

Have a super week.

xoc

A Generation Had Passed

2010-09-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much for all of your kind words, thoughts and prayers for me and my family. On September 16, 2010 at 11:04 p.m. William Louis Terra, my maternal grandfather passed away to be with his beloved wife, Betty, his daughter, Martha and a slew of other loved family members, who have since passed. Papa Bill was born into a traditional Protuguese family in Morro Bay, CA on July 3, 1924.

On Friday, September 24, 2010 our family laid my grandfather to rest in San Luis Obispo, CA. It was a lovely, traditional Catholic Funeral Mass. The funeral mass was held at the Mission San Luis Obispo de Tolosa. I have always thought that the Mission in San Luis Obispo was so pretty and simple. It's ornate, but in really simple, peasant way My grandfather would have been happy to have seen all his family gathered together for Mass. Oddly, only the older generation is Catholic the rest of us are Protestant. The Mother Superior asked me if I was Catholic before I did the scripture reading, when I said, "no," I could see the "tisk, tisk" in her eyes. It actually made me chuckle (wink, wink).

When the funeral started hubs had to take Owen out of the sancuary. He was talking so much that we knew there was no way he was going to make it through mass. Jettson sat through the whole mass. I was very proud of him. When my grandfather was brought in (it was a closed casket, thank goodness...I had no idea how I was going to explain that one to Jett...I was having a hard enough time explaining mass, death and creamation! or in Jett's words "mom, is grandpa Bill going to get "fired?") Jettson tapped me and said in a whisper "mom, my heart is hurting." At which point I lost it. My heart was broken. In the Book of John, John describes Jesus at a funeral, he wrote that, "He wept" along with the other mourners. For some reason that always gives me peace. We are human and our heart aches when someone passes, even if they lived a long, good life. When Jettson told me his "heart hurt" I wanted to take that pain away. It was a mirror for me, I believe that is exactly how God feels for me.

It was a lovely day. I know that might sound strange to some of you, a funeral and burial being lovely. However, it was more of a celebration of Papa Bill's life. He lived a long, simple and honest life. His funeral was a reflection of the life he lived.

My grandparents were everything to me. They were more like my parents, really. My own parents were so young when they had me that they had no idea how to parent. By the time I came along into my grandparents lives they had already made mistakes as parents and learned from them that, they were in more ways ready to parent their grandchilren. I was the firstborn of my mother, Martha Terra and firstborn granddaughter, which made for a special bond between my grandfather and I. I will always remember the smell of cigars and bbq on his clothes. It was actually a comforting smell. I can smell now as I write. He was a man of few words, so when he said "I love you" you knew he meant it. All he ever wanted out of life was for his family, "his people" to be happy and secure. He was a simple guy. Both my grandparents grew up in an age when you did the hard stuff, made the hard decisions and keep at them. You worked hard, your family was first and you were loyal to them.

I can't write that they always did the right thing or that they were the best parents, but they did the best they could with the knowledge they were given. They were raised during the depression era, had little money or education. They knew how to work and save. Those are traits that they passed onto their children and their grandchildren. A legacy of hard work, making tough choices and being loyal.

A generation has passed. I'm grateful to have been part of their lives. I have the best of both of William and Betty in me. I'm forever grateful to them for always being there not only for me, but for our whole family. They always made each of us feel that we were #1 in their lives, and we were. Papa's family "his people" (papa always said that he loved "his people" in reference to his family) meant the world to him, and he meant the world to us. They both did.

William Louis Terra July 3, 1924 - September 16, 2010

Betty May Terra May 11, 1924- December 6, 2007

Much to write About...

2010-09-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

Here I am and I guess I'm going to spill my guts....

Last month (August) I decided at the last minute to get the depo provera shot. Dumb, dumb, dumb!! I wish I would have researched it before I did it. I have had the worst side effects and this is after my doctor told me there would not be any side effects...haha...bull s$!t. It has been bad...depression (which I do not have an issue with normally), stomach cramps daily, headaches, sadness, anger, intolerance for any noise, super fatigued. It's like PMS on steriods. I have had a period for over 13 days (again, not normal for me) and worst of all there have been thoughts of suicide (please, don't get freaked...it has passed...but there was a day last week when I was very low and it scared the hell out me) and here's the kicker....lack of libido! The whole reason I got the damn shot was to have more romantic moments with hubs without the stress of pregnancy! I have read so many horror stories since I got the shot. My usual fun self has all but disappeared.

If anyone has had an issue with this shot please send me and email I would love to know about it. Also...this whole ordeal has given me a lot of compassion for those who suffer with depression. Not fun, not fun at all.

Needless to say, I will not continue with this terrible form of birth control. It has wrecked havoc on my health.

Poor hubs, he has had to hang in there with me on this roller coaster ride and kids too. I have come out of the woods, as of yesterday. The symptoms seem to be in sync with my cycle...but like I said..it's like PMS gone very, very wrong. I'm guessing I have one more wave to ride out...next month's cycle, then I will have to wait another 2-3 months for the birth control to cycle it's way out of my system. Whew!

OK....TMI for you, I'm sure...however, I needed to get that off my chest. The good news is, I'm feeling sooooo much better right now. I know...I need to go back to the doc just to make sure all is well and good. I swear being a woman sometimes is a huge pain.

***********************************************

Aside from all that the boys and I had lovely weekend filled with lots of laughter and fun activities.

On Saturday the boys and I went to visit my cousin Sarah and her brood. They moved out to a country estate in Lockwood, CA. It's a tight knit community of 279 people. We had a fun time just hanging out, chatting, eating, and knitting and attending a community hoe down of sorts.

Look at these two! Cousin Capri and Owen. They are about a month and half apart in age. They were so cute hanging out on the couch together watching what else...Spongebob.

They were having a chat about whatever it is that 3 year olds talk about.

Sweetie pie of all...McKenzie. Cannot believe this wee little thing has turned 10 already!!

Wish I would have gotten more shots...but as I have wrote before I have a hard time managing a camera and kids...those two things do not always go hand in hand for me ;)

I finished Jett's knit blanket that he wanted for his doll Kaylee. He has been a stuffed animal, baby doll kind mood lately, along with his fauxhawk and tatoos...heehee...guess he trying to "find himself." BTW...we went to the fabric store after school on Friday and he picked out the yarn he wanted for his baby blanket. All his idea and doing.

Jett's Fauxhawk.

That's what's been going on in my little world. How is your world going?

xoC

Back to School & Back to Creating

2010-08-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

Jettson started First Grade this past Wednesday. I can't believe it! Jettson is thrilled with his new teacher, Mrs. Otis. We had a super, full, and busy summer. First grade...where did the time go? I feel like he was just born yesterday.

We had a great time on our 10 day road trip to Idaho. Sadly, my battery on my camera was low and I was not able to get any photos...I lost my battery charger :( ---- (I think I got a few from a swim day...plus, taking pictures and chasing after two kids is not easy for me). Regardless of the missing photos....we still had a super fun time. However, I was more than ready to come home! I have never been so happy to come home from a trip in quite awhile. I just missed being my little hovel hut, my dwelling place. We had a blast playing with cousins, swimming and sightseeing...but there is nothing like coming home and being happy about it! We got back last Monday afternoon. We had one full day to get everything put away before school started.

I'm excited to get back to normal stuff...like cooking and laundry ;) Really, I am. Sounds nuts? I know. The other night when I was cleaning up after dinner...it dawned on me that for the first time since I took on the role as "mom" that I felt at peace in my role. Some of you know the struggles I've had transitioning into motherhood...because we have talked about it at nauseum (more like, I have talked it about it at nauseum ;).

I feel like I have finally come to accept my job and really am thrilled with embracing it and tackling it like I do with other things in my life, full force. I have this one shot with my boys to make it the most I can, and as I wrote above, time is just flying by.

My creative juices are flowing again...so if anyone wants to put in an order for hats in time for the holidays...now's the time to put in a request...meantime...I'm just gonna start making hats galore....here is a hat order I just finished...and other photos...Cheers!

Another Cupcake creation...yummy! He's such a good sport being my little hat model.

I found these little heart shaped kelly green buttons...too sweet.

I love the pom poms at the end of this hat...scrumptious.

Here's the real Owen...my little worker man.

Jett's first day of 1st Grade...Mrs. Otis classroom.

Have a serendipitous Week. xoc

Bella Boo Turns Two

2010-08-24T10:38:00.000-07:00

My neice Bella, turned two this month. Bella's best friend is her cousin Nora. Nora calls her Bella Boo and Bella calls Nora, Nora Bear. They are seriously to cutest little girls ever!! Bella is thriving and she is up to date on all her surgeries. She is just so cute. We love her so much. Happiest of Birthday's Bella Boo!!

She is such a little angel! I love her so much!

Here they are...Nora Bear and Bella Boo!! They are both two.

Shaver Lake with the Smith's

2010-08-24T10:32:00.000-07:00

I'm behind on my postings....Here are some pics from our day trip to Shaver Lake with the Smith Family....

Daddy and Owen.

Mr. Cool with his Mug Root Beer

Hadland Boys and Smith Kids

Jettson, Taylor, Sami, Tanner and Owen

We got to go to Dennis' fire house...the kids had fun climbing all over the fire truck and using the fire hose.

Adorable little Sami

We had a fun summer lake day with some really good friends and some great kiddos.

Summer

2010-08-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

I have not blogged much lately, simply put...too busy! Not an original excuse...but it's the truth. Jr. Guards has been keeping us super busy. We are at the beach every morning at 8:30 a.m.! Then Owen and I head to the gym, errands, and other stuff that us mom's have to do...like laundry!

This summer has not been the relaxed lazy days I had been envisioning. It's been way more scheduled and work than I would have like. It's a new phase of life that I'm entering into with the boys getting older. It's only begun. Owen is still at home with me, I can only imagine what it will be like when both of the boys are in school...all the mom's out there who have mentioned to me over the years about the "mom taxi" well, it's all true.

It's all been worth it, especially when I get comments from Jettson like "I love guards mom!" or "this has been the best day of my life." Then I know that we are on the right track and he is having the summer he had been envisioning!

My Little Guard!

My future Little Guard.

Hubs took the boys on a "campover" at New Brighton camp ground, which is 5 minutes from our house. If you bike in you can stay at the bike campsite for $5.00 per person. I was able to drive in their stuff for them. They had so much fun. Making S'marshes (as Jett refers to S'mores), hiking around the campsite, making Jiffy popcorn, getting dirty and just being boys. I was not really invited to go on this little "boys night out." Jettson told me yesterday that he just wanted to hang out with dad because he sees me too much. I felt a little left out but I know that they do spend 99.9% of their time with me and I can only imagine how much more fun it is for them to hang out with dad.

We are always getting pics of him with his eyes closed.

See...more closed eyes...but I think he is really enjoying his "S'marsh."

Another phase I'm about to enter into...boys going on trips without mom. In one way I'm looking forward to these times...but it kinda makes me sad too, it's happening much sooner than I had expected. It almost, I repeat, ALMOST, not really...makes me want another baby...but you can't keep having babies just because they keep growing up, now can you? Think it might be time to find me a puppy ;)

Happy continued Summer. xoC

4th of July Weekend

2010-07-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

I love the American Flag. It's so beautiful.

We had such a nice 4th of July weekend. It's the first holiday weekend that I can remember where we just stayed home. Usually, we go camping. This year Jettson (his gandpa and grandma took him) was the only one who went camping, while Chris, Owen and I stayed back went swimming, had a BBQ with just the three of us, hung out with friends and took a nice long hike by the beach. It was super relaxing weekend.

I'm prefecting the art of grilling...I am really working on it...I love to grill (which I think is very different from BBQ---BBQ uses wood or charcoal and I have no idea how to use those two fire burning elements...maybe one day I will try but for now the propane grill is working for me ;)

Chicken, baby sweet peppers & home grown zucchini.

We are having such a fun relaxing summer...let the fun continue...xoC

40 Years of Happiness

2010-06-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

July 4th, 1970

On July 4th my in laws will be celebrating 40 years of marriage! I know that 50 years of marriage tends to be the traditional milestone for celebrating, but in this day and age I think that 40 years is just as good as 50. In Hollywood that would be equal to at least two lifetimes! Also, in the wake of the media's announcement of Al and Tipper's pending divorce after 40 years of marriage, I'm happy to report on my blog about a couple who are still going strong after 40 years of marrige and show no signs of giving up anytime soon.

George and Norma met in high school in Las Vegas Nevada. They guickly became high school sweethearts. They were married soon after their senior year. What I love about my in laws marriage is that no matter what happens in their lives they are there for eachother. They are true blue. This past Saturday their family and friends gathered together to wish them a very Happy Anniversary. It's refreshing to be with a couple who have made it through for all these many years together and still have love in their eyes for eachother. There is still a tenderness and a sweetness of having found love at such an early age and having it sustain for 40 years.

Marriage is a mystery. Some make it and some don't. I do not really have feelings either way. Sometimes life throws you curveballs and decisions have to be made. That a couple can endure a lifetime together through all it's many curveballs is truly extraordinary. I believe that a marriage needs a community of friends and family in order to help nurture it along and keep it going. I know that George and Norma's marriage has been an example to us, their children and now grandchildren, and also to their friends. It was fun being together on the beach enjoying eachother's company and celebrating the mystery of marriage. I wish my in laws many more years of marital bliss.

July 4th, 2010

Gotta Show Up for the Big Stuff

2010-06-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

The other night I was watching junk tv and was struck by a comment someone made, "you gotta show up for the big stuff." For some reason this really struck me. I have so many close family and friends sometimes, I am not always able to be there for everything. However, when I heard this comment it made so much sense and sorta streamlined priorities for me. I need to show up for the big stuff. I need to be there whenever I can, sure, I get that...but there are times when I am pretty busy with kids and just my own stuff. The big stuff is whatever is important to that person and usually it's stuff like, dance recitals, a baseball game, turning a certain age, a baby's christening...you get the idea. This weekend we had some "big stuff" to show up for.

My niece, Kayla Hadland had her very first dance recital. It was so cute!! Our whole family was there to cheer Kayla on. This is the stuff life is made of. She is such a fun kid and we just get a huge kick out her.

As I posted in my last post titled "Cousin's." My cousin Kimberly, her son Steven and his friend, Andrew came to up to Capiola from San Luis Obispo to celebrate Steve's 16th Birthday!! He and his friend had a blast riding BMX, going to the Boardwalk, Capitola Village and just hanging out. I cannot believe Steven is 16 already! Time is going by so quickly. I'm so glad that we were able to celebrate this milestone with Steven. He is a young man now, he is no longer a boy. Happy Birthday Steven!

Andrew and Steven

Jettson and Steven! They look like brothers!

It's fun to get together and just be goofy! Today is the first day of summer and we certainly have kicked it off to a good start. We also celebrated Father's Day this weekend. It sorta got overshadowed by all the other stuff that we've been doing. Hubs just had a nice day being with his family. He is such a great father. The boys have a lot to be thankful for. Their dad is the best!!

Lastly, remember all those Olallieberries I picked last week? Well. they went from this....

To this.....

I had orginally made 20 jars of jam, however, I'm already down to 9 jars, a gave a few away and Jettson has already gone through half a jar this weekend! Strawberries are next, then blackberries!

Have a great first week of summer everyone! xoC

A Lota Olallieberries!!!

2010-06-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Gizdich Ranch with my boys and our friends Leona and Tabitha. I picked 8 and 3/4 lbs of olallieberries! Last year I picked 9 lbs. Last year I made about 20 jars of jam, that I'm now out of and have had people asking me when I was going to be making more. This year I have few other ideas in store for my berries one of which will be an Olallieberry syrup. I made an Olallieberry martini last season but it did not turn out the way I had imagined...so this time I'm going to try a thin syrup for my drink and see what I come with.

All washed and cleaned and ready for canning, baking and syrup making.

It was a beautiful day for picking. The weather was just right, not too warm, not too chilly...perfect. The boys definitely had the best time this year picking. Jett was counting and eating berries and really into picking...while Owen on the other hand, decided that it was much better to throw dirt clods into the berry bushes.

Here are some photos of our day...

Tabith, Owen and Jettson

Me and the Boys

Tabitha and her awesome Mama, Leona

Flowers from the garden. Getting ready for yet another round of cousins to visit. I have little more time to get the room ready for Cousin Kim so I went out to the garden to find some roses that were ready for display.

It was a just another day in paradise! Living by the sea with boys and good friends.

Cousins

2010-06-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

Chris and I have lots of cousins. On my side alone I have 26 First Cousins! I cannot even begin to count the second and third cousins. I have stopped counting at 3rd cousins. Chris has about the same or a few more. We have quite a few who live in the area between the San Francisco Bay Area all the way down to San Luis Obispo.

I have been lucky enough to have met all my first cousins at one time or another. I have a few whom I'm exteremly close to and a few whom I have become close to over the past several years. I love having cousins. They are like having instant brothers and sisters, instant best friends. This past week it's been Cousin Chaos!

My cousin Shelly who lives in Idaho came for a visit, she drove down with one of her cousins to visit us for a night. Shelly's sister, my cousin Jenny came the next day...we had such a lovely time, chatting about when we were kids, eating yummy food and hanging out poolside. What I love about my cousins is that I get to see a side to myself that I would not otherwise get to see. We have lots in common, mannerisms being one, pet peeves being another. It's funny when you discover where all your little quirks come from.

After Cousin Shelly and Cousin Jenny's visit, it was time to visit with Chris' cousins' from the Hadland side of the family. There are only 3 girl cousins on the Hadland side of the family the rest are all boys. Cousin Kjester (she lives in Las Vegas), Cousin Gala (she lives here in SC) and Cousin Star (she lives in Brussles, Belgium). Cousin Star is also about to add to the cousins this Fall. All three gals are sisters, and what lovely sisters they are! Some of the best women ever. They are all unique and have warm personalities. I always enjoy hanging out with them. We did not get a photo of the adults but we got a photo of all the second cousins. It was a fun day had by all.

At one point Jettson asked me why he had so many cousins. I told him because he was lucky enough to be born into a large family. Then he asked me, "what is a cousin, anyway?" I told him it's the child of an aunt or uncle. However, the more I thought about it...there is so much more to cousins. For me, my cousins were my instant friends, they always had my back, if anything was wrong they were always there for me. They were a way for me to find out more about myself. I have always loved my cousins and their families. I hope for the same relationships for Jettson and Owen. They have already started...and they know that their cousin is like a brother or sister and that they are always there for one another.

This weekend we have more cousins to visit...let the chaos continue!! Love you cousins!!

Me, Cousin Jenny and Cousin Shelly

Owen and Jett (Chris Hadland's kids), Sela & Felicity (Cousin Kjester's identical twin girls) and Avery and Kayla (Uncle Jeremy's girls). Sadly, Cousin Gala's girls; Jade and Anada, were at home with colds, otherwise they would have been in this photo.

Eight Years Ago Today

2010-06-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago today I married my best friend! We have been together for 12 and 1/2 years. We have been through a lot together. I still get goose bumps when he looks at me. My love for Chris is stronger now than ever. I still feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be able to walk through this life with someone as amazing as him. I love you Baby! Happy Anniversary.

My Cousin Kimberely Janell Gray

2010-06-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

I had the chance to go to my cousin Kim Gray's gradution ceremony from nursing school two weekends ago. We had such a great time. I cannot write enough how proud I am of my cousin. She has worked long and hard on this achievement. She is my hero in so many ways. She and I have been raised together and are more like sisters, really. She and I have had our ups and downs together, in our personal lives and loves. She has always been so positive and strong. Something I really admire about her is her ability to see the good in people. She has is compassionate but not in a disingenuous way...you know sometimes, you meet people who think they are compassionate but they seem fake...Kim is sincerely a loving and compassionate person. Her becoming a nurse is so fitting on so many levels. She truly cares for the lives of others. She deserves an award for being mother of the year as well. While going to school she still worked full time (she is a phlebotomist) and has taken care of her almost 16 year old son. She has got up at 2:30am and 3:30am to make her 8 hour shifts at the hospital and then on to classes, home to make dinner for her son and then hit the books. I'm still amazed at how she did it all.

Two weeks before Kim graduated she went to interview with the head of the med surge department at Sierra Vista Hospital in San Luis Obispo, CA. She told me that the interview went well and she was almost sure that they were going to hire her. However, by the day of graduation she still had not heard from the med surge department. While we getting ready that morning, Kim asked me if she should call the director and find out whether she had the job or not. I told her "do you really want to find out today if you have a job or not, and if it's a no, do you want to be bummed out on this day of days?" She said no, not really. So we left it at that. At the very end of the graduation ceremony Kim was greeted by the med surge department's head RN with flowers asking her if she would like to join their team of med surge RN's! Of course she accepted and the smile on that girl's face could have lit up all of NYC during a black out! It was the icing on the cake to a wonderful, truly joyful, serendipitous day!

Kimberly and Steven Gray

Congratulations Cousin! I love you more than I can ever really express. You are my inspiration and hero. Everyday I want to be more like you. I wish you all the best that life has to offer!!! xoc

"Mom, Are we Real?"

2010-05-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

Jettson: Mom, Are we Real?

Me: Um, yes.

Jettson: What makes us real?

What, indeed makes us real? This is one of the many, amazing conversations that I had with my darling, little 6.5 year old this weekend. Of course, I immediately thought about the story of the "Velvateen Rabbit." One of my all time favorite stories.

Today's blog post is all about the "real" me. Here is what I have been thinking about this weekend....

The Baby I lost this year:

Sometimes...I think that I would know what we were going to have by now...a little boy or girl...I would be 3 months away from having our third baby...I know it may not be what anyone wants to hear...but that's where I'm at right now...everyone is annoucing the gender of their unborns and new babies and while I'm extemely happy for my all my friends and loved ones... it's very hard for me right now not to think that, that could have been us too...

I wonder sometimes...what the little bean would have been a boy or girl...so does Chris. It is a weird space to be in. I know that later in the year I will be thinking...this was my due date, or they would have been 1 month old today or today would have been his or her First Birthday...crazy I know but I cannot help but think these thoughts and if you were in my shoes you would most certainly be thinking the same thing.

How can I be a better mom:

I have some good friends who know me, the real me...the me, that has a hard time "seeing the sunnyside of parenting" sometimes. There are days when I feel chained to my house, to my kids, to my husband. That is the real me, that is the real truth.

However, when I write about the good days, the good times...it changes my frame of mind and helps me be a better mom. There are some days when the sun does not shine...but those days are not many, there are mostly sunny days, for that I'm grateful. My hope is... that at the end of the day I learned a little more about me...about my boys and how I can be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, and a better sister.

What makes us real? I have to admit, I'm not sure? What I shared in this blog today is pretty real and maybe even a little raw. Peeling away the layers, and exposing what really lies beneath...perhaps, that is what makes us real.

xoC

Mother's Day Weekend

2010-05-10T10:15:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day weekend was spent in Big Sur CA camping at Riverside Campground. We went with our friends, the Herrin's and some other extended family. It was a great time had by all. Selena and I were able to get away not once, but twice!!! We took a lovely 2 mile hike at Andrew Molera State Park on Saturday and then on Mother's Day we went to Nepenthe for brunch. We tried to go to Big Sur Inn- Deetjen's for brunch but we were one minute too late :( They close breakfast at 12:30 sharp! So if you are ever planning on going there to eat make sure you get there early. It's worth going there if you can make it. I heart Deetjen's planning on having a getaway there with hubs sometime in the near future.

In any event, in year's past for Mother's Day I have always made it my weekend to have some time to myself. My own mother has passed away and I have mixed feelings about this holiday (Father's day too but that's another session in therapy!). Now that I'm a full time mother I just want a break from the daily grind. Jettson is old enough now to make me cards and wish me Happy Mom's Day...at this point, other than a break here and there, that is all I need, a homemade card from my darling boys. Last year we did the samething... perhaps this is our new family tradition for Mother's Day, camping. While I heart camping, I don't heart all the laundry afterwards, it's going to take me at least week to get it all done!

This was an interesting discovery from hubs, he goggled Mother's Day and here is what he found out about this American holdiay--- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Jarvis you can read it here.

Here are pics from the weekend (I finally got my camera back!)

Jettson asking me questions about the River. He wanted to know everything about it---the name of the river, where all the water came from, where it's flowing---etc. We had quite the discussion.

All week he kept asking me to go camping and to the (riber) river. He was in heaven all weekend. He didn't care that the water was barely above 49 degrees and it was barely 60 degrees outside! He was happy to splash about, throw rocks and collect every stick he could find.

My boys-- doing what they love to do---freak out their mother! As you can see there is a nice little drop. Hubs was convinced that he was going to have to jump in after one of them.

Nora Herrin (23 mo.) and Owen Hadland (2.5 years). They were having so much fun talking to eachother, eating popcorn and drinking chocolate milk. Our little babies!!!

I love old windows and doors. I get goosebumps when I see them.

I love finding cool zen statues in the middle of a lush garden. I wish I was sitting in the lush garden, quiet and peaceful.

Selena and Kim (Kim is Selena's MIL) We ended up down at Cafe Kevah--Nepenthe (above the terrace) was packed. The food is just as good (if not better) at Cafe Kevah.

Norma Hadland (my MIL) and Me

Selena and I

I'm grateful to have such awesome mom's in my life, you know who you are & Selena is one of those moms.

While Selena and I were on our hike we talked a lot about our lives since becoming mothers. I had this epiphany about the lives of women...we are like catapillars---we are happily inching along in life just as we are and by some biological and/or divine intervention we go through this amazing process of the chrysalis stage (pregnancy, the adoption process, rasing children) we are tansformed in to these amazing creatures called Mothers (or Butterflies)! I feel as though motherhood is transforming me in ways I could have never imagined! I would not change it for the world! I'm grateful for my continuing transformation process that is taking place daily. Jettson and Owen are the best two people to ever come into my life! They have saved me in so many ways and made me a better person. I love you Jettson and Owen---forever, Mommy.

Happy Day to all you other awesome Motherflies out there!!! xoC

How is that I cannot do everything???

2010-05-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

How is that I cannot do everything??? Ok..so I wrote about my latest mission to work out like 3+ hours a week and I'm doing it (last week hit the 5 hour make--whoo hoo!)...however, I'm not able to keep up with everything else? How is it???

I have not picked up any needles of any sort for a least 2 months! I hate when I do this because I know I will get the bug to pick them up again and I will wonder why I was not working on projects all along? It just seems like if I'm focused on one thing I cannot focus on other things? What does this mean??? I'm ADD?? If I do too much in one day I feel like the next day I need to take it easy. I get overwhelemed with filling up every second of my day-- it just zaps me. On the other hand I want to be doing a million things at once. I know--it does not make sense. It just feels like all my "creative" juices are focusing on my workouts right now. I know I don't want to burn out on exercising...I'm trying to find a balance with it but it's gonna take me a bit to do that until I build it as a habit.

I have to admit I'm really loving my workouts. I have always enjoyed working out when it was just me, but the kids came along it proved to be a bigger challenge for me than I had expected and for the longest time I was just not up for the challenge. I read one of the keys to making your workouts easier is to have a plan of action and have everything organized and ready to go. I have finally got myself organized with my workout clothes, I have my gym bag by the door, it's packed and ready to go. I read this is phase one of the workout, phase two is the workout and phase three is getting all ready for the next day. I have also been told many times, that it takes 30 days to build a habit. I'm on day 21. I feel like I'm building a habit. I have been dreaming about running...how funny is that? I'm reminded of when I was trying to learn other languages, you knew you were getting somewhere if you started dreaming in the language. Maybe that's what I'm doing with exercising---learning to master it?

In any event, I'm trying to keep up with it all...but sometimes I just wonder how other mom's do it all? And what does "doing it all" mean? I'm a list person. I make a list, cross off what I've accomplished. Before Kids (BK) I would pretty much finish my lists on any given day. However, since kids my list is a constant "to do" that seems to never be completed it just seems to get longer and longer. I know, I know...just chip away at the most important stuff and feel good about what I have accomplished...I get it...it's just that I want to get to the bottom of the list and feel done...not just "ok that was good enough." Dunno if I'm even making sense? I know I'm not perfect and I'm not trying to reach for perfection---hee hee, if that were the case I would not be writing this blog right now---I would be cleaning a bathroom and checking it off my list.

How do you do it all?

The Tea Party Has Been Set

2010-05-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

http://afancifultwist.typepad.com/a_fanciful_twist

I'm going...won't you join as well.

Camera, Choas & Kids

2010-04-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago some of my besties got together to celebrate a dear friends birthday, her return to the Central Coast and her new baby (3rd) baby boy. I have photos from the day but sadly left my camera behind so I have no pictures to post with my blog....I will get it back soon. Sometimes I feel like I should not write a blog if I don't have any pics to go along with it...but I don't necessarily write my blog for readers. I know I have readers but my blog is about me and my family and truthfully, it's for my boys to have someday.

Lately, I have just not had the time to write much. I seriously have been crazy busy. Everything that every mom every told me about being a taxi driver is fricken true! The older my boys get the more I'm finding myself driving. School, carpool, karate, swimming, park, gym, grocery shopping...etc...you get the idea, because I know you do it too (ha! I am writing for my readers ;). Plus, I have been so serious about working out 4 hours a week. As of today it will be a little over 5 hours of workout time this week. Someone asked me if I was working out 4 hours a day! Um...that would be a NO...it has however, been a 1.5 hour workout. I'm feeling so good that I'm feeling a little addicted. One of the benefits I'm finding from the workouts besides the fact that cardio is like magic! It's seriously melting the fat off. I have found that I feel a little more patient with the boys. It's one of the motivating factors for actually getting my butt to the gym. I desperately want to be a patient loving mom...and given my heritage of sadly not experiencing that kind of parenting I cannot tell you enough how much of a practice it is for me. I'm always having to find ways to help me practice patience. Aside from all the daily chaos of raising boys and being a mom, life is just so amazingly wonderful!!!

A little update on the boys:

Jett (6.5 years) is doing really well. He is reading now. The other day when I asked him if wanted to read his book to me he said "mom, I can only read at school I can't read at home." I asked him why? and of course he did not have an answer for me, which made me wonder how his reading is really coming along. The next morning at drop off---we did the usual drill, put backpacks away, get our name and go and answer the question of the day---my jaw hung open...he read the whole sentence himself and it was long! He then turned to me and said "see mom I can read, don't worry so much." His words! I really am excited to see what kind of guy this Jettson of mine turns out to be. He is always amazing and suprising me at every turn. I really love him so much that it hurts and I do worry a lot! It comes with being a mom and I'm not about to change it. He is 4 foot (50inches) now and weighs 48 lbs. He is a little less than a lb per inch. He is a little bean pole. Along with school he is in karate, we are swimming again and he starts Capitola Little Guards in the summer. For those of you who live in the area you know what Little Guards is all about for those of you who do not---it is a 4 week class--M-F from 9am to 12p at the Capitola Beach. For three hours the kids have to run, do sit ups, basically calisthenics on the beach...they learn ocean safety, learn to swim in the ocean and eventually they learn basics of surfing (but I don't think this comes until later Jr. Guards) this kid is going to be ripped and exhausted! I have dreamed of this moment before I ever had kids! I am so excited for Jettson. This camp is a must if you live by the ocean. I know as Jett and Owen get older the beach and ocean will be their life and I want to be able to feel comfortable knowing that everytime they are at the beach or in the ocean that they have a respect for the life force that is around us. It's going to be a super fun summer.

Classic Jett!

Owen (2 years & 8mo He will be 3 in September) is growing like a weed he is a little over 3 feet, I am not sure how much he weighs now...the last time I checked he was 31lbs. He is such a loving little guy. He loves legos...I mean he is obsessed with them. He loves BUGS! He has bug catchers and begs to go to bed with him. He is so funny, everynight he has George, whatever lego spaceship he has made that day, all his other stuffed animals & balls in bed with him! Now he wants the bugs to join him---ugh--Yuck. The other morning he got into my bed with me with the usual suspects--George, Legos...and... (I cannot tell you how many times I have had to pull legos out of my bed!). All of a sudden I heard Owen say "uh, oh...it's broken." As I laid there in bed dozing, it hit me that he brought the bug catcher into my bed! I freaked, screamed and jumped out of bed. He did bring the bug catcher into my bed with the lid still closed, it was one of his Lego spaceships that had fallen apart...I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief and told Owen that the bug catchers are not allowed in anyones bed especially mommys!

Getting ready to play ball!

He is still my baby. He is still just home with mommy. He does go to the kids play club at the gym but other than that he is just happy playing with mommy and waiting for his big brother Jettson to come home from school and play with him. I'm really savoring this time with Owen. I know the time for him to go to school is not too far off. Since experiencing kindergarten with Jettson it made me realize how short the time really is when these little people get to be just babies. Owen is going to go off to school sooner than I think I will be ready for...so I'm in no rush to send him to preschool. I have already been asked many, many times...and I know that their is an advantage to him going, but I might wait a little longer before we have to enter that world with him. Right now it's so fun to watch him play and learn and explore on his own at his own little pace. He loves to read, swim and play with balls of all kinds and of course bugs.

So that's it...I know a boring post...but I wrote this for us---a memory for the boys and for family who live afar and read my blog. Wish I had more recent pics (these ones of the boys are from Easter 2010)...I will soon. We are going camping in Big Sur Mother's Day weekend and I will be sure to post pics.

Have a wonderful, sunny, funny, splendid weekend.

xoC

On a Mission

2010-04-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

I have not been on the computer much lately because I'm on a mission to lose some inches and hopefully some weight.

Listen, I'm going to be totally honest. Not just because someone may or may not be reading this. I'm being honest with myself and one day when my boys are older they will know a little more about their mommy.

I have not always been chubby...but I have ALWAYS FELT FAT! When I look back on pics of my youth I was just an average girl...pretty much looked like everyone else. Until....Jr High...by 7th Grade my boobs went from nothing to a C cup...now you think that would be great right? Nope...it wasn't...it was awful, mostly, because I didn't look like everyone else. Teenagers are brutal. I resorted to wearing huge sweatshirts, hunching my back and I dropped out of sports by 8th Grade. Big boobs and basketball, kinda don't mix. Then my family life was crumbling around me. Little Debbie became a very dear friend of mine and I think I put on 20 lbs between 8th and 9th grade. I never took it off---I gained another 10lbs between 9th and 10th grade. My parents broke up for zillionth time and we moved from Oklahoma to California. It wasn't like I ate tons, I just ate whatever I wanted without thinking about it.

My weight has been a monkey on my back all my life! By the time I was 24 I was living in Europe and my whole relationship with food changed... for life. Young people in Europe are not normally overweight. They are pretty much slim and active. It made me want to change the way I ate and lived my life. I no longer ate mindlessly...I began to think about what I was eating and how it made me feel...mindful eating. I no longer lived to eat but began to see food as something I needed to make my body work. In Europe you walk or bike everywhere, there was no real effort in my slim down, it just happend, naturally. It was part of the lifestyle. I have done "DIETS" in the past and I absolutely HATE THEM! I think they are such a waste of space. Plus, every person I know who goes on a diet never stays on them and they always gain the weight back or more.

I was able to stay at a healthy weight for most of my 20's and early 30's---until kids! The supermodel, Gisele Bundchen was recently quoted, "I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals." At first the quote pissed me off! in my mind I was quoted saying, "Um...sorry, dear...we are not all supermodels being paid millions to show off our "assets" of course you have a very, very good reason not to let your body go to hell, plus that's your job to constantly think about your body, what you're eating, exercise...it's what you get paid to do! You have nannys...you give up breatfeeding, because god forbid your tata's will actually sag!" After my brief rant in my head to Ms. Bundchen...I actually, agreed with her. It's not that I "turned into a garbage disposal" it's that for the first time I felt like I could just eat and not think about what was going to happen to my body because I was going to get fat no matter how hard I tried not to, right? That was my attitude with my first pregnancy...plus, the weight was going to magically fall off because I was breastfeeding, right? Man, I was so wrong on so many levels...Jett was a demanding baby...and I never had a second to think of myself until he was like 18months old...I lost a huge chunk of the weight by then but I was still about 20lbs from my pre-preggo weight. Then he had his diagnosis of speech delay and bunch more scary things, that I all I could do on any given day was think about him and his needs. My needs took a back seat.

In any event....four pregnancies later...with two kids to show for it...and now that they are older, it's time I start treating myself like a supermodel (minus, the money, nannies, and exotic lifestyle)...in other words treating losing weight like it's my job...here I sit and I'm halfway to my goal of being lighter on my feet...it has been a journey...there is so much more to it...in terms of the image I have of myself...at 40...I'm finding that I just don't want "EXTRA." I don't want extra weight, extra clothes, extra stuff, extra anything. I want to be just right...just comfortable, have just enough. I want to be able to climb a mountain or hang at the beach without feeling the "extra."

That is what I've been up.

xoC

LaLa Land, Legoland and Laughter

2010-04-13T09:28:00.000-07:00

We had such a great vacation to SoCal. I was not sure how it was all going to turn out...we had planned a lot into 5 days...LA, Long Beach, Carlsbad, Oceanside, Huntington Beach, Santa Monica, Malibu, Laguna Beach, the O.C., Oxnard, Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo (stopped in to visit my grandpa and aunt & cousins) then home, 3 hotels, and 3 amusement parks.

It went perfect. The weather was awesome! It was warm...perfectly, warm...not too hot, not too cold---just right.

Legoland was worth the trip. The boys had so much fun riding rides, building legos, and just having fun in the SoCal sun. Jett drank Pina Colada's the whole trip. It was so hilarious to see the look on waiters faces when we would order Jett a Pina Colada (they were virgin of course!) He wanted to go to Hawaii (we are saving that trip so that we go with the grandparents) and drink coconut milk (not sure where he got this idea...but I think has something to do with Spongebob). We tried to hit Happy Hours at local restaurants...it was so fun...we would get mommy and daddy drinks then get the boys their "drinks" appetizers and just enoy being all together on vacation! Cannot think of a better way to enjoy being a family. There was lots of laughter and lots of smiles. The boys were awesome.

There were palm trees everywhere...it actually felt like we were in Hawaii...I had no idea there were so many palm trees down there. It was so beautiful...I kept telling hubs...how can anything bad happen in LaLa Land...the sun is shining...the palm trees are slowly swaying...the birds are chirping. It was a lovely vacation.

Huntington Beach Pier

At Joe's Crabshack in Oceanside, CA

Happy Hour

Do you see how clear and blue the sky is? It was such a beautiful day!

Legos everywhere! Kinda my worst nightmare...but at least I did have to pick up or try to organize them!

Santa Monica Pier

I love this photo of Owen...a boy, a stick and the beach!

Owen and my Grandpa Bill

My boys! I can never get them to look at the camera...this is as good as it gets.

I took hundreds of pictures...just wanted to highlight what we did. I hope each of you had a great Spring Break. Looking forward to Summer.

xoC

Tracy Porter & Other Stuff

2010-04-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

We just got back last night from our Legoland adventure. We had a blast! I will write about it and post pics later today...

I just wanted to share that I have become a Tracy Porter affilate. I know I have friends out there that have mixed feelings about blogging and advertising and I totally get it. I really only ever want to work with people that I love and that have the same passions in life that I do. I really love Tracy Porter not just the wares that she sells but I really love how she has weaved her passions and her family together. I love the fact that she is first a mom to four...count with me...1-2-3-4 boys!!! She is able to share her love of nature, design and life with all women and appeals to all kinds of women.

In any event, I recently purchased from Tracy and am so excited to recieve my first (& not last) order from her. It should arrive any day now. Mother's Day is around the corner check out her site and see what she has to offer. She also has gift certificates.

Have a wonderful Sunday and look for more postings from me in the very near future.

xoxoC

Too Funny Not to Share

2010-04-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

Ah...my funny and beloved, Jettson. He is just the funniest kid...and not just because he is my kid...truly he is a crack up...Here's the story---

Very early yesterday morning (3 am to be exact) Jettson came into my room because he had a scary nightmare. He was awake for 3 hours, which meant I was awake for 3 hours. He finally fell alseep around 6am...there was no way we were going to make it to school so I kept him home. When we finally got up and got going I asked him what his nightmare was all about. Lately, he has been watching "Jumanji" and "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" both are a little scary for a 6 year old but there is not really anything "scary" in either movie (I have watched both movies with him) it's all very suggestive but not scary. I remember the Chocolate Factory kinda creeping me out when I was kid but it was so overshadowed by all the candy, that I would soon forget that there was anything creepy about it.

In any event...in Jett's nightmare he was in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and a Venus Fly trap was about to eat him, he was able to use his karate skills and karate chop the fly traps' vine loose from his legs! At which point he came to my bed.

Later in the afternoon, we called my Aunt Arlene (Jett calls her "Nana") he proceeded to tell her all about his nightmare. My aunt told him all about the powers of "Monster Juice" she told him if he drank some monster juice before bed that nightmares would stay away.

Right before karate class Jett asked if he could start drinking Monster Juice, so I poured him a glass of apple juice...when I gave it to him he said, "that's not monster juice that's just apple juice." I stood corrected...so I added a maraschino cherry with a little of the cherry juice and that seemed to do the trick.

Here's the kicker to this story---

When we got to karate class...I left Jett in the dojo while I chased after Owen in the foyer. Our friends were in the dojo watching the kids...my friend came out to tell me this story... the Master asked this question "So what did everyone do today?" Jett raised his hand and said, "Well, I had a vodka cherry before I came to karate class to chase away the monsters!" the whole class including parents erupted in laughter, another parent whispered to my girlfriend, "well I've heard of giving your kid medicine but not vodka...I must be doing something wrong!"

Later that night.... Jettson again asked for "vodka and cherry monster drink" (think I might have to come up with a new drink)....I laughed so hard...and told him it's just called monster juice and it's made with apple juice, cherries and cherry juice, NOT VODKA! I aksed him where he got this idea from, he just shurgged his shoulders and with the cutest little face said "I dunno...it just sounded like you said, here's your vodka and cherry drink!" hahah....crazy kid.

I had to remind him gently this morning that when he is at school today and anyone asks him what he did yesterday not to say he had a vodka and cherry!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

They are all that matter to me in the world!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T09:30:00.000-07:00

So happy that it's not raining, the sun is shining and in Jettson's words "look mom, even the earth is celebrating St. Patrick's Day---the earth is wearing green, too!" We are not Irish...but we have lots of Irish friends and I happen to love the color green. Also, we just a love a reason to celebrate and decorate. Jettson was so happy this morning to wear all his green clothes and his leprechaun hat. Of course, I did not get a picture of him, with all the rushing about to get out of the house this morning so that we could get to school on time, taking a picture was the last thing on my mind. I did, however, get some last night when we were making our shamrock hats (Jettson's idea and design). Hope everyone has a wonderfully, beautifully, Green Day today esp. my Irish friends ;)

Just love those chubby cheeks!

I love this boy! Wish I knew what he was thinking?

I love this one...they are both in their moment of creating their shamrock hats.

I found this little gem that says "Good Luck" I hooked it onto this necklace that I love...I am wearing it today...wishing us all Good Luck today.

Good Times Ahead

2010-03-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I am just not sure how much I want to "put out there" in the blogosphere? I am sure I am not the only one. My personal family (you know, dad, sisters, aunts, cousins, in-laws, extended friends who are more like family, etc.) some of us have had some real ups and downs lately. I have been trying my best to be positive. My world view is this...all of life is a tragedy and if anything good comes out of the mix it's a perk! Hey, it keeps me from getting super disappointed. I have a feeling though that things are going to get better and start looking up for everyone. Life is too short, and if we are constantly focusing on the tragedy of life, how can we ever enjoy the perks that do come our way?

It's a new day, and today I get to write my chapter the way I want it, not the way the tragedy wants it.

I thank God (yes, I wrote God) today, that He has given me the fortitude to endure all my life's tragedys. However, today I am going to enjoy some of the perks that have come my way, health, peace, love, kindness, grace and mercy. These are the perks in my life that I have been given today. I have such a loving, kind and patient husband and two little boys who love their mama! In light of those perks today---I just know that good times are ahead not only for me, but for my family as well. I wish them nothing but the perks that I have been given today in this life.

xoC

Alice, Dinners & Oscars

2010-03-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

Our weekend kicked off with my best friend and her family coming over for dinner. It's been a long while since we have had them over for dinner. It was fun to get together again. They have three boys...one is just wee little baby, he was actually the quiet one out of the bunch. The other 4 guys had a blast being loud, playing chase, playing with cars and doing all the stuff boys love to do. I made my first East Indian Curry for dinner...it was delish and spicy. I was happy with the way it turned out. I plan on making more Indian dishes...I love all the spices and aromas that come from this cuisine. I had fun throwing together the table...it turned out very Spring...

I filled the candle holders with tiny, malt ball easter eggs and added candy necklaces around the base...it just added to the fun...then the boys got to eat the candy for an after dinner treat. I got the flowers from Trader Joe's about a week ago and they are still going strong.

I took Jettson to see Tim Burton's, "Alice in Wonderland"...one complaint I have is the title...shouldn't it be "Return to Wonderland" or "Alice Returns?" Then there is the whole 3D thing. I loved it in 3D, I hated it in 3D. The glasses hurt...the glasses leave a weird haze. The glasses made me feel like I needed to keep wiping them. Then there wonderful moments in 3D...like all the glittering stars and the way everything just "pops." Other than that, I loved the movie. It's Tim Burton! All the eyes are hallow, the Mad Hatter, was truly mad! I mean who can do crazy, weird and sexy better than Johnny Depp? Can't wait for it to come out on DVD. I think that I would rather watch it in 2D. Jettson loved it too. When he came home he played "Alice" for the rest of the afternoon. It was cute to watch him play. I am not sure if he understands that it's not real.

Yesterday, we took a walk in the Harvey West Park, in the wooded area and the whole time Jettson was looking for rabbit holes. It was cute. I totally got into it with him...only, I really was wishing I could find a rabbit hole to fall into....if only...

Later in the weekend...I did some little projects that I have been wanting to work on...I should have taken some before and after pictures of these bird houses but I only took "after" photos...

I bought these cute little bird houses at the Dollar Tree last year. They were just plain wood...I painted them with some acrylic paint I had and then sprinkled it with my beloved glitter...let dry for a few hours outside and then added a sweet, little furry bird.

I got this bull from a "throw out" pile my sister had...the horn was broke but my super awesome hubs (who can fix anything...truly, he can...I mean anything) fixed the horn for me. This is Mr. Bull's new home....

Don't ask me why...but this just makes me smile...everytime I pass him.

Soooo...what did everyone think about Oscar? I was very, very disappointed :( Last year's Oscars were sooooo good. This year's didn't even compare. I was happy to Sandra Bullock win. I have not seen all the movies that were nominated...saw a few and made sure I knew what each one was about...but overall was not that impressed with 2009's movies. I had a friend over for dinner...I did a very simple tablescape. A neighbor friend of mine gave me the oscar like statute...

Happy Monday Madness...xoC

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-03T09:50:00.000-08:00

He asked me to take his picture---makes my mother's heart flutter!

"No Wonder you're Late. Why, this Watch is Exactly Two Days Slow"

2010-03-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

As a child, I was enchanted with "Alice in Wonderland" but at the sametime it scared me. Recently I have revisited "Alice"...oddly, it still enchants and creeps me out at the sametime. I'm finding, however, that I have much in common with the Mad Hatter...I'm always late, I'm often hurried, with really no place to be...well, at least of no great importance, other than to myself and my family, which means it's very important, but by my being late puts no importance on it at all...does that make sense? This is one of my favorite quotes from the book..."No wonder you're late. Why, this watch is exactly two days slow." I'm sure this is my problem! How utterly clever! Should have thought of this along time ago...it's my watch and my clocks that are off and not me at all...well, at least the delusion puts a smile on my face.

In the spirit of Tim Burton's, "Alice in Wonderland" premiering this Friday in 3D, starring one of my very favorite actors, Johnny Dep...my theme for Spring is the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. This is the part of the story that has always enchanted me! The Tea Party!! I have been decorating like a silly rabbit, lots of fantasy, lots of glitter and even more of a curiousness of clever design than I have ever dared strech myself. I even glittered up a plain ole rose! Which is posted over at "52 Weeks of Crafts." Click on the CRAFTS tab at the top of the page to find out what I did.

There is so much in this mix that has meaning...the teacup is a gift from my cousin Kimberly from her trip to England many, many moons ago, the white chicken is from my Grammy Betty, who has since passed, the Carousel Horse was a gift from my mother who has since passed, the blue plate in the far back has a scene from Peter Rabbit, it was a baby gift from my mother in law. I love how the mix came together. I know it might be a lot going on for a lot of you...but this is the Mad Hatter's Tea Party afterall...so the mix is suppose to be a little crazy.

One of my absolute favorite pieces in this mix is the lower little blue dish. My grammy bequeathed that to me as well. This year, I mixed up my Easter Tree...I used the same white branches from last year then added the glittery little branches to encourage the feel of fantasy.

A closer look at the Easter Tree. I took this one before I added the other pieces to the mix (ie. the blue plate...the fur...etc). I am on a mission to find little pink twinkling lights...I think the lights would add to the feel of the tea party.

I had a lot of fun putting this together.

****************************************************

Later in the day...

I was still in my Mad Hatter Mood....

I let my mad children

have a little fun with some playmates...

when you see the following photos...

you really are going to see what a nut case I am!!!

If you are in anyway fearful of messes...

DO NOT LOOK FURTHER....

I warned you....

He had the most fun! He is totally my child!

Happy March Madness!!! Let the Wild Rumpus Begin.....

Nothing of Great Importance

2010-02-26T18:36:00.000-08:00

This past week I have been accepted to be a guest blogger over at Jolly Mom http://www.jollymom.com/ (Thank you Piera for this opportunity). I am soooo excited. Which means, I have got to get it in gear as I am making something and have to write it up and do photos...wish me luck. This is a break that I've been looking for. Part of me is a little scared but if I want to move forward in blog world, I need to kiss my fears goodbye and go for it.

My little guys have been giving me a lot to chew on, parenting wise. Jett is 6 and is finally simmering down! I have been taking some great advice from a well seasoned mom that know and admire. I have been seeing results!!! Hooray! I swear after six of years of parenting I am finally realizing that this whole thing is really 50/50....50% of it is me and whatever goodies are in my bag of tricks and the other 50% is the kid. I really did think that when I saw a kid acting badly it was ALL the parents fault, and while there is some truth to that it's not the whole story---as I've learned with Jettson. Whew! That boy has a will made of pure platinum! However, I am happy to write that right now I seem to have some tricks in the bag that are working for us. The other thing about parenting is that you have to kinda go through a few hoops to find what is going to work for one kid and of course nothing I ever did with Jett when he was 2 1/2 remotely works for Owen! I'm jumping through a whole new set of hoops with him. He is super talkative which in some ways is wonderful, but in some other ways it's already challening.

I love the boys! They keep me on my toes, that's for sure. Don't ya just want to grab'em and hug'em, squeeze'em and kiss'em? Jettson was not all that happy for me to be taking his photo.

Have a Serendipitous Weekend!!

A Day in the Sun

2010-02-21T08:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, February 20th would have been my mom's 58th birthday. She passed away December 17th, 2002. Since her passing I celebrate her birthday by doing something I know she would have loved. My mom loved antiques. I usually try to incorporate some sort of trip to a flea market or do some sort of "junking." It was her "thing" and she passed down her love for old stuff down to me.

This year I decided to take a day trip to San Luis Obispo, CA , pick up my mom's sister, my aunt, and go meet Susan Branch at her farmstand in Arroyo Grande, CA.

We had the best day! The weather was perfect, sun was shining, there were huge, billowy clouds scattered about the light blue sky and it was warm. I couldn't have planned the day better. Below are a few photos from our sweet day.

Susan Branch incorporates the American Flag in a lot of her art work. I love the American Flag.

See the clouds! Majestic!

Finally, found her market place. I have looked for her market before and was not able to find it...now I know where it is! Next time I am in SLO I will make it point to stop by again.

Me and Susan Branch! She loved my pink shirt ;) What a lovely, lovely woman. She is so kind. What a talent. I had her sign my first edition Vineyard Seasons cookbook. I had her sign on the Boston Cream Pie recipe page. What an inspiration!

What a wonderful, magical day. I have wanted to meet Susan Branch since my Aunt Susan gave me her first cookbook back in 1989. What a moment to finally meet someone who inspires you to create a beautiful life.

Happy Birthday Mom.

Lovey's

2010-02-19T13:32:00.000-08:00

Last week, I had sometime to myself---so what does any mom do who has some free time? Why, mop the floor of course! After I finished my much needed mopping I put my feet up for a few moments and caught an episode of Oprah. Celine Dion was her guest (it was a very, very rare moment. I used to watch Oprah all the time...but now, there is just not the time for it and I do not use DVR---I am lame that way) moving on here...I think Celine Dion is one of those rare superstars who is actually a human being and loves her family. She was telling "O" while on tour last year, her son had lost his beloved Lamb, a very special lovey at a hotel where they had stayed. Her story reminded me of our family's loss of a beloved lovey, Kitty.

A while back I wrote about Owen's Kitty (the one we lost at Costco & sadly never found FYI---if anyone can tell me how to link previous posts I would LOVE to know how to do it! Again, I am lame when it comes to this stuff....). Unlike Kitty's demise...they were able to find her son's Lamb. She was crying and she said that she wanted that Lamb back just as much or more than her son because of what it represented. It represented all those special moments between child, lovey and mommy. It smelled of her son's breath, his sweat and tears. It made miss Kitty all over again. She described it beautifully, as that is just how felt when Kitty was lost. Celine said that she was every bit as attached to her son's Lamb as he was. I feel so much the same way. I'm just as attached to the boys' lovey's as they are. I feel as though they are an extentsion of me when I'm not there with them, such as in the middle of the night.

Please let me intorduce to you our Lovey's.....

I have lots of pictures of Jettson with his "Way." Somehow this one captures the feeling of his beloved. I wish it were in focus, it was taken with my cell phone back in Christmas of 2006. His Lovey is a huge chenille blanket. Way has been with him since the beginning. Way has holes and is well worn with love. Way is large enough to encompass Jett and myself. We have wrapped ourselves up with Way many, many days and nights. Way has gone on lots of trips, has been there for every boo boo, every disappointment, every joy, every little event of Jett's life for the past 6 years. Way is always waiting for Jettson after school. I cannot tell you how many times he has fallen to the ground with his beloved blanket and let out the most satisfying sigh a mother has heard. His blanket says, he is home, he is safe and loved! One time we left Way at someone's house. Jettson cried his little heart out and so did I. I know what his blanket means to him and to me. It encompasses all of Jett's special moments and there is nothing in the world that can replace it! I have a feeling Way will be with Jett through many more years.

Owen has gone on a journey with finding the love of his life. As mentioned we lost Kitty. We have gone through many more Kitty's since. None of them have stuck. He loves on them for a bit loses it and moves on to another. This past September Auntie Selena gave Owen a stuffed Curious George for his 2nd birthday. George has stuck! George goes with us everywhere...George has replaced Kitty. George has the right smell now. George was the missing link. George eats with Owen, takes baths with Owen, gets dressed with Owen, goes on most every car ride with Owen. And no, I do not have a back up....as I learned with Kitty...nothing replaces the original. It is just not the same. I am extra careful with George as I do not want to lose him like Kitty (I think it is odd that he would not replace Kitty with another fake Kitty...but ended up bonding with George instead).

Owen said that George needed a drink of milk after his Valentine dessert...this is a very typical scene for George...being dipped in milk...the bathtub, found under the bed, under the covers, in mommy's bed, in the car at the driver's wheel....a future blog should be "Where's George Now?"

I found this great article that helped me understand a little more about the boy's lovey's. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/22851/the_importance_of_your_childs_lovey.html?cat=25

Do your children have lovey's? Are you just attached to them?

xoC

Some Blogs that I Love

2010-02-19T08:28:00.000-08:00

I just had to share these blogs with my readers. They will knock your socks off! Happy Weekend.

If you want to see one of the best Blogs in Blogdom go to http://afancifultwist.typepad.com/. The blogger is Vanessa Valencia, she is an amazing artist! She is the fantasy that I have of myself...carefree, whimiscal and artsy. She has been featured in The Artful Blogger (BTW: great source for blogs).

Soule Mama is another one of my "go to" blogs. She is another amazing mother to 4 children, artist and blogger. She is actually a seamstress.

Another blog that I have recently stumbbled upon is Na Da Farm http://nadafarmlife.blogspot.com/. Anne Marie is a mother to 5 young children. She is another wonderful seamstress.

What I love about Amanda Soule and Anne Marie is that they are mothers to more than 2 children and are able to make the most amazing home life for their husbands and children. They are women I aspire to be like, creative, loving, soulful, inspirational and have lots of energy (or least this is my perception from their blogs).

If you have sometime this weekend do check out these three women, the are full of inspiration!!!

Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

In the past Hubs and celebrated Valentine's Day...we did all the cheesy VDay stuff, dinners, massages, little blue Tiffany's boxes. However, now that we have kids we tend to just give eachother a kiss and be done with it. Hubs and I have lots of time alone (believe it or not...the boys go to bed at about 7pm everynight, which has always left us with our evenings to ourselves) we treat everyday like Valentine's Day ;) I get into decorating for the fun day (just ask hubs...he always says, "give the girl a theme and she will decorate for it") especially since Jettson has been in school. With little kids these holidays give them something to look forward to and helps them mark the days on the calendar.

Last night I made a special dinner and a special dessert. Here are some of the photos from our yummy Boston Cream Pie dessert. I used the recipe from Susan Branch's Vineyard Season's cookbook. It was pretty easy. There were quite a few steps but overall it was not hard to do. Everyone loved it!

I know it looks a little funny---but it was, oh, so delcious and rich!

I love the look on Jettson's face...he could not wait to tear into that cake. Owen kept saying it was his birthday cake.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Valentine's Day. xoC

Random Photos from the Week

2010-02-12T18:01:00.000-08:00

Jettson lost his first tooth yesterday! I had no idea his little tooth would be so darn cute. It was so tiny. Sorry that the photo is blurry I was holding his mouth open while I was trying to get the picture. He is not always cooperative when it comes to picture taking.

Look at that mouth.

So...after years and years of fighting with my hair, I have finally accepted the fact that it's brown & wavy. This is my hair in its natural state. I have been fighting my hair all my life...long, with perms, short with perms (back in the day), bangs, chopped it really short, had it super blonde, and every other color in between....well, within the brown to blonde shades anyway, Spent hours blow drying & using straightening irons, spent hours at the salon...I'm happy to announce that I'm finally happy with it being natural!! Just thought you should know ;)

Made this yummy Spinach Ravioli Salad w/my Balsamic dressing (I will post the recipe later) It's the easiest dinner and my whole family loves it!

Happy Weekend to All!

This Present Moment

2010-02-05T08:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, while I was at the gym I was watching some show on CNN. It was about some guy who found out in the prime of his life that he has liver cancer. Almost impossible to cure. Right before he was diagnosed he met the love of his life. They married while he was in chemo. I was tearing up while on the eliptical.

I know we all go through this at one time or another---but I was struck again, at how short life really is. Maybe this man's story hit me because he is only 41 year old. Usually, I go through my day thinking about how I hate washing the dishes, again, I hate sweeping the floor, again---the monotony just gets me. However, while I was listening to what this guy is going through---I am sure he is grateful for anyday where he feels the strenghth to do anything monotonous.

I have never had the gift of living in the present moment. I'm usually thinking about the next thing---and maybe this is one the gifts of aging, but I'm learning and enjoying being the present moment. When I think that I could be a ticking time bomb for whatever could happen in life---sickness, an accident, some mishap or misfortune---it makes me want to be in this present moment and enjoy this very day to the fullest---even if it's just sweeping the floor or picking up the same toy over and over. I am not saying I am always going to be throwing a party while I'm doing those things---but I'm going to be grateful that I can do them, that I'm healthy enough to perform monotonous tasks and have the choice to do it with a smile on my face and eventually, joy in my heart.

This is where Yoga is really helping me---learning how to practice. I have never been able to really focus enough to practice anything. I tried playing an instrument but would never practice, tried learning other languages, but I needed to practice in order to learn, again, something that I would not do. Practicing equaled work, therefore I would not do it. Now, that I am 40 I regret not practicing those things, however, it is never too late to learn how to practice being in the present moment. Everyday is a new day to start over and learn how to be calm, how to be loving, how to be joyful. Sadly, these virtues do not come easily for me.

I am glad that I caught this segment on CNN. It made me think and it made me grateful that this morning I can be sitting here on the couch typing away while the boys are playing quietly. Soon, I will be picking up a broom sweeping away, and I will be thinking that I am grateful that I'm healthy enough to perform such a task and that I have a floor to sweep! Today, I'm going to enjoy these moments emmensely!

Blah

2010-02-02T21:55:00.000-08:00

Not sure what the deal is....but I just feel...blah. I am doing everything that I love...but for some reason...I just feel...so, so.

How weird is that? When I was pregnant...I had so much energy...and now all that energy has been zapped. I just feel like I am dragging. Wish...I could just hop on a plane and journey off to Paris. I would hideaway in a beautiful Parisian apartment, that had an amazing view of the city, all decorated in white, with pink roses everywhere and it would have the most amazing antiques a soul could have around them. I would have coffee and croissants every morning and then I would take a walk to the Paris Flea markets and shop to my hearts content. Then I would find a lovely cafe for lunch. I would drink wine till I was silly, then I'd skip back to my apartment for an afternoon of spa treatments...and since it's my fantasy, I would eat eclaires (of course it would be calorie free...since French Women do not get fat) while having a pedicure....oh, for the days...when my life was not too far from this fantasy.

Please, do not think me ungrateful for my very charming, loving life. It's just that I'm longing to be alone. Sad, uh? I have everything. I have what most women dream about...but sadly, I just was to be alone, left in peace and quiet. Maybe not entirely, but as of this week...yes, yes I do.

I am being honest, because no matter what you have, or where you are in life...it seems as though there are times when things are tough and you just want to escape...even if you have it "all."

Paris 2002

xoxoC

The Questions Jettson Asks!

2010-01-28T09:09:00.000-08:00

Upon waking this morning Jettson asked me the following questions. Mind you, it was 7:00 a.m.

Jettson: Mom, why do you have big boobs?

Me: Uh, because God made me that way.

Jettson: Oh, but why are they HUGE?

Me: Oh, my...um...I don't know, I am just made that way (laughing).

Jettson: Is it because you are a fat girl? Do fat girls have big boobs?

Me: Honey, all kinds of girls have all kinds of boobs (still laughing)

Jettson: How do you hold them up?

Me: I wear a bra, it is what helps hold them up.

Jettson: Yeah? Well, I think you need a shovel to hold them up.

Me: Ok...I think it is time to get ready for school now.

Geez! Did I mention that this conversation took place at 7:00 a.m.? Prior to a cup of coffee, even. I have no idea what is going on in his 6 year old brain this morning! Oddly, I was having a conversation last night with some of my mom friends about when do kids start thinking about the opposite sex and such. Funny, that Jett would wake this morning and ask me such a pointed question. I asked him if I had answered his question, he said not really. Oh, boy. We just left it at that. I am sure there will be more questions along these lines in the future.

What about you? Have you had conversations like this with your little guy or gal?

Wordless Wednesday

2010-01-27T09:25:00.000-08:00

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2010-01-26T10:06:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to set an Esty store for a year now. But for some reason had a huge block with it...now I know what it is...the FEES. I think it is silly to use a site that is going to charge me fees to sell my "wares" when I have a blog and I can sell my "wares" right here on my own site and keep my own "selling fees." Thank you very much! So...no Esty store at this time. If you would like to order something or see what is for sale go to http://capitolafiberarts.blogspot.com/.

I have been getting orders for hats right and left. It has been fun and a huge learning curve for me. I was not sure how to go about it. Slowly but surely I am finding my way. Thank you to all of you who have been ordering and referring customers to me.

I finally think I am on the path I belong on. I am looking forward to working out all the kinks. I know in the past I have been a little frustrated with wanting to do "something creative." Not always knowing how to go about it. My frustration is linked to not really having confidence in what I am creating. I love making "stuff" as I have stated before. However, I have never had a lot of confidence in selling "my stuff" it has always felt awkward to me. I am learning to let go of that. I realize, there are a lot of people, like myself, when I find "stuff" that I like I want to buy it and so do others. I guess, I just never thought someone would like my "stuff" and want to buy it. Silly, I know...but I am really suprised. I just like what I like and do what I do, because I like it, not because I want to sell it. Dunno if I am making sense...I am sure we all have thoughts like this at one time or another in our creative lives.

Yesterday, I was thinking how many times I have heard mom's say, "I can't wait to get back to myself." I was thinking that before I became a wife and mom...I was single and having the time of my life, but I was always searching for something...career, marriage, children....I am not sure if I am ever going to get "back to myself." I am not sure what that is? I am trying to be who I am now...a wife, a mom and find something that fullfills me as a human being. Oddly, making "stuff" seems to be the thing.

Just my random Tuesday thoughts.

Monday Madness

2010-01-25T10:14:00.000-08:00

So far I have kept up with "52 Weeks of Crafts." I have posted a new craft idea every week. It has been fun. However, my creative imagination is going to be tested. I am trying to come up with ideas on my own but I have to admit I am looking at books and the internet for ideas as well. I am trying to put my own spin on projects. In no way do I think that I have the market on craft ideas, that's for sure...but it is fun to get ideas and then put your own spin on it. That's what I have always done. I just think it is fun to inspire and be inspired. I actually, inspired my neighbor with the wreaths. She loved the idea. Last night I went over to her house for a glass of wine and noticed her simple willow wreaths. They turned out great. It was fun to see her try it out and put her own twist on it. Plus as she pointed out it was free!

In any event, it is Monday and apart from my blogging hobby...I have a crazy amount of household crap to accomplish today...the usual...laundry (geez...I do not think this chore ever gets marked off anyone's list!), grocery shopping (my boys are eating me out of house and home!) they are eating so much lately that I can barely keep up. I think that Jett is on a growing spurt.

I had another order for hats that I have to get shipped off today. This order inspired my new line of boys "Cupcake Hats" the gal who ordered from me did not really care for my first "Boys Cupcake" hat so I made her another one that was more simple and not so wild...but I love how my first one truned out that I will be working on a boys line next. I always end up making girls hats becuase they are more fun and cute. I am trying to get inventory for my Etsy store but I cannot seem to get it together. I am working on it...I actually found a wonderful Esty store site that gave me some new idea's on how to showcase my hats and then be able to sell them made to order. Not sure how it will work out? I always have ideas...but getting them to happen is whole other matter. Jettson asked me the other day to teach him how to crochet...all of sudden I had a vision of teaching all the kids in the neighborhood how to crochet and then I could have my very own sweat shop! Just joking...but the thought did cross my mind. I cannot seem to pump out hats like I did when I had just one kid. It is a little more challenging with boys, plus, I have too many other things going on.

I am using yarns in the same color scheme. I am using the same concept as I did with the girls "Cupcake" hats. I am using the ends of yarn skeins.

Enough of all that. Kinda a boring post, but this is what is going on today. Happy Monday Madness to you and yours.

Moving On...

2010-01-18T13:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I am just not sure what to write. I have three blogs in draft. Of course they are all about the miscarriage...but they all seemed a bit too "real" to post on my otherwise sunny blog.

The past two and half months have been a roller coaster ride of emotions for me. There have been some great days, some good days and some that are just so, so. When I found I was pregnant it was right after Thanksgiving and my 40th Birthday. I was looking forward to the holidays, especially, now that the boys are at that magical age of really getting the Christmas spirit. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was shocked, hubs and I were trying to prevent pregnancy (obviously, we are not that good at it). It took me a couple of weeks to wrap my head around the idea of having another baby. I does not take me a super long time to get used to things. I tend to take a day or two to pick up myself up, dust off and move on. I adapted to the idea of baby number three pretty easily. Now, I have to let go of the idea of baby three and move on.

Today I actually feel much better. Seems as though the healing process is going well (Dr's appointment on Thursday will give me definate answer) and my hormones are getting back to normal. Whew! Poor hubs and boys...there for a couple of days it was touch and go. I feel like I am getting some balance back. The rain is helping too. The rain has made everything sorta stop for us, which in turn helps me refocus, relax and think about what's important. Instead of running around, being frantic and wound up.

We had told Jettson about the baby. His response was really funny. Here is how it went:

Me: Jett...mama is going to have another baby.

Jett: What? You're joking me, right?

Me: Um, no I am not joking you, mama is going to have a baby.

Jett: But, you have too much already, you have me and you have Owen and he is crazy.

Me: Well, what else do you think about it?

Jett: I think it's poop.

As the weeks passed he seemed fine with it. We talked about it a few more times and he told me he wanted a little sister. Then, I had to "untell" him. It it went like this:

Me: Jett, remember when mama told you we were having a baby? Well, mama is not going to have a baby anymore. The baby....

Jett: died?

Me: um...well...yes.

Jett: Just like the mom in the movie "Up" lost her baby?

Me: um...yes, kinda, like in the movie "Up."

Jett: I am sorry mom.

Me: Me too Jett. How does this make you feel?

Jett: Kinda sad.

Me: Me too Jett, me too. I love you Jett.

Jett: I love you too, mom.

Man...I am still choking up over that conversation with Jettson. He seemed to understand. He has not asked about the baby again. Hubs and I have had some deep conversations too. Amazingly, something so heart wrenching has brought us all closer as a family.

I am moving on now. I have spent the past four days grieving and cooking. I am finding that when things are a little nuts in my life I cook. I have always done this however, it took this past event for me to see it. I have made homemade mac and cheese, peanut butter cookies, lemon bars, skillet lasagna and chicken pot pies. It is my way of controlling whatever it is that I cannot control in my own life. I love that you follow a set of directions and something wonderful appears!

Thank you friends for all of your kind outpouring of words, some of you have told me your own stories of miscarriage, thank you. I know for me writing about my miscarriage and talking about it are helping me heal. Thank you for listening to me and letting me tell you my story. I know sunny days are ahead, for that I am grateful. xoC

The Female Experience

2010-01-12T10:34:00.000-08:00

CAUTION: TMI for those who do not like to read REAL STUFF...wonder why people post their business on public doamins... or you do not to like read other people's life's experience, then I suggest you pass on this post.

TONE: Sad, peaceful and calm and loved felt:

Last week I posted that I was pregnant. However, I am now writing that I have lost the baby (or fetus or embryo... call it whatever makes you feel better...to me it was a little tiny human, Baby H).

Here is the deal... Hubs has been telling me for year that he would love to have one more child. However, with me hitting the big 4-0 and all the other challenges in life, I just felt like adding one more to mix would be hard. Last year, around March (2009) I thought I was preggo...I had such a hard time thinking that I was indeed with child that I thought all kinds of horrible things. I felt like the worst mother and woman on the planet.

When I found out I was pregnant in November (2009) I cried for a minute. I thought about what happend last year, I knew that I did not want to have the same response. I knew that I owed the little life growing inside me the same love and care that I gave to my three other pregnancies. When I told hubs our news...he was over the moon with excitement. Kinda hard not to get excited when the love of your life is so happy about the life you have both created. I am not a hugely private person. I feel like when I am going through something the first thing I do is scoure the internet for information...some of the best information has come from other people posting their business. It has helped me. I sorta feel if I am going through something, it's not only theraputic for me to write about it, but I hope that my post will help someone else.

This is the second miscarriage I have experienced. I have also had two successful pregnancies..ala, Jettson and Owen. I feel like this is all part of the female experience...creating life, caring for life, and sometimes losing life. It is an amazing, soulful, and miraculous experince. There are so many layers of emotions that get peeled away. One part of this pregnancy I was looking forward to was peeling away another layer of motherhood. Please do not get me wrong...I do not think that having one child or twenty neccessarly makes you a good mother (or father)...I was just thinking, for me personally, having another child would be a deeper journey into motherhood and the creative process got me excited. I love making "stuff" and the thought of making another little baby, started getting my creative juices flowing.

I am sad that Baby H will not be joining us in this life, however, he or she did teach me a very valuable lesson...that no matter what, I am a mother, and I need to dig as deep as I can into being the best mother that I can be. This whole journey of mothering is part of my female experience. I know that when I see other pregnant moms or little babies this year...there will be a little pang of what could have been for our family. However, I have two amazing children who are healthy and wonderfully happy...I am blessed! Hubs and I love eachother and we care for eachother and we will get through this moment with grace and love.

52 Weeks of Crafts

2010-01-06T10:44:00.000-08:00

Finally, got it! I had been telling some friends, that this year I was going to something everyday...I just could not figure out what? 365 days of doing "something" and "something different" was a dauting thought. Partly, inspired by Julie/Julia Project and the Oprah Project. Both were people's ideas of incorporating projects, ie, cooking, food and the Oprah project, in which one gal took Oprah's advice everyday and did it. I love these ideas.

Yesterday, I posted a craft that I did with the boys, fast, easy and fun. I saw that my friend Katherine Ward Lewis is doing "Katherine's Project 365" (how's that for a plug Kathy ;) ), which got me to thinking about doing something crafty everday...well, as most of you know now, I am pregnant with baby number 3, which means I am doing something "crafty" everyday ;) My brainstorming led me to... "52 Weeks of Crafts." Even though my first craft was not done this week, I did post it for the new year and since I am making this up as I go, and it is my "thing"...it will be my first week's craft.

Yeah! Finally got it. I already have next week's craft brewing...stay tuned. I will post the weeks new craft every Monday. I want feedback on the craft...did you try it? did you find it easy? how do I make better? what would you not do or do better?

Yesterday, while I was waiting for my drs appointment, I was knitting (finally, getting Jenny's wrap finished) another mom was watching me. She of course, asked me what I was making...in turn it led our conversation toward crafts and hand crafts. Most mom's find this stuff hard and hard to do with kids...my purpose for "52 Weeks of Crafts" is to show mom's how easy it is to do crafts with kids or without. Keep it fun, keep it simple and you can "create" with your little ones under foot. I am soooo excited. This is going to be the year for "creating" I feel empowered...but I will save all that for the pregnancy story later, as in part my pregnancy is the inspiration!

Wish me Luck!

Happy New Year

2010-01-04T09:36:00.000-08:00

This holiday season has been one of the best. We stayed home for the holidays. We experienced an old fashioned holiday season. I am so glad that we did. The boys have been so happy and carefree. Our memories, are of us being a family, going for hikes, making wonderful crafts with our hands and making food that we have seen grow from our local farmers. We were able to spend a lot of time with family and friends who came from far and wide.

For New Year's Eve we got together with our dear friends, Adam and Selena Herrin and their two girls, Audra and Norah. The boys love Audra. We had a nice sit down dinner (sans kids...we hired a sitter to come and watch the kids while the four us went to our neighbors house for a super yummy new years's eve dinner).

On New Year's Day we took our friends to one of our favorite spots, Wilder Ranch. If you have never been to the Ranch...go! It is hands down one of the jewels of Santa Cruz County. The kids loved playing on the farm. The Ranch was having an Open House. They had all the barns open, the houses were open and they had old fashioned games for the kiddos. It was a perfect day to tour around the ranch and let the kids run free.

Views of the Ranch

Our little handmade girl, Norah. Selena knitted the sweater for Audra, now Norah's and I crochet the hat for Audra, now Norah's.

Breathtaking!

Jettson and Audra, best friends. It is so cute, how much these two love eachother. Very sweet, indeed, to watch our children grow up together.

I could not get a good shot of Owen the whole day...he was on the move all day long. He loves to be outside.

Jettson was trying to give Owen a kiss...however, Owen was not too happy about it.

Selena discovered the old fashoined bubble makers. They made really cool, huge, bubbles.

The photos speak for themselves...we had a great New Year's Day! I have gotta feeling this is going to be a good, good year! Happy New Year to all. I truly, hope that this year is a blessed year for us all. I know, it has been tough for lots of us and for some it's still not over. However, in the end it is not about how much money you have, how much "stuff" you have accumulated or about how fancy your life is...in the end... our lives are measured by how much we have loved, given and have had compassion for others. My only New Year Resolution is to make sure those whom I love benefit from the bounty in my life.

Christmas

2010-01-01T08:36:00.000-08:00

WE had a fantastic Christmas. The boys loved each and every gift they recieved. We did the usual. Christmas Eve at MoMo and Abada's house. Uncle Jeremy, cousin's Kayla and Avery were also in the mix. The kids had a blast eating too many cookies and not enough Christmas Eve dinner. It was cute...but as it goes with me I forgot my camera or so I thought I did (I found it in the back of the car after we left...I was so bummed...as I do this every year! I get too rushed and it's the camera that's always forgotten). As a result, I do not have any pictures from our Christmas Eve night.

Christmas Morning at home was fun indeed. We started with coffee, music and stockings.

I love that he wore his Santa hat. He does this every year. We have never asked him to wear it. It never fails to make me chuckle.

Owen loves Spongebob. He got a Spongebob Santa.

mmm...homemade hot chocolate with real milk chocolate.

Jett has been asking for a Snuggie since they came out. I found a Kids Snuggie. He loved it, of course!

Spongebob Sorry game.

Hubs took the boys to the Dollar Store to pick out gifts for eachother and of course they both wanted the samething-$1 motorcycles.

Tony Hawk skateboard ramp. They played with this all morning. It was huge hit!

The boys got Bendaroos. Jett made Spongebob's undersea world. I love these things. They really work and the best part is, no clean up!

Daddy and Jett had a marathon Lego building afternoon...which included daddy having an adult beverage.

As I was dressing the table...hubs kept looking at me & I knew he was wondering why I was going to all the effort...Because I am making memories not only for the boys but for all of us. It was a lovely Christmas with our little family. We are blessed with love, health and the means to make it all happen. It was the Merriest of Christmas'.

Beautiful Blogging

2009-12-26T12:13:00.000-08:00

Christmas week happend to be much busier than I would have anticipated. I have quite a few friends visiting from other states. It has been fun getting together with them and their children. We have been enjoying our kids play together.

Oddly, a few of our conversations turned toward blogging. One of the questions was...why do people blog? What is the reason? It got me thinking about why do I blog? One of my many reasons for purchasing a laptop was to have an electronic journal. When I started electronic journaling it was all via Word. Then I heard about Live Journal via a friend...Melanie...I thought it was inspiring to read about her life, get to know her and be able to email her what I thought about what she wrote, then in 2005 I heard about blogging. I had no idea what it was all about. I started reading all kinds of random blogs from all over the country. I was blown away by all the amazing crafty, family, fun blogs that were out there. I would stay up late at night reading about strangers from around the world. I would leave comments sometimes, cry at someone's news that a family member had cancer, laugh about some kid's antics or a mom's frustration. I could relate on so many levels. It somehow made me feel like I was not alone. Other people from around the world were dealing with life very much like me. I just loved that somehow their blog made me feel like I could make something, share about a personal family matter or commiserate about mommyhood.

In 2007 I started blogging. Random posts...sometimes it was about the boys, sometiems it was about a current event, politics or mommyhood. In 2009 I decided to make my blog only about mommyhood, crafts and food. I do not write about anything else. I am learning that when it comes to my personal views on life, I would rather share those things face to face, and then, only to those I trust. I do not blog to make others feel like my life is more important than theirs, or that I can make something better, or that I am any more busy than they are (most likely if you are not blogging it could be that your life is much busier than mine...or that you are getting more sleep than I am...lol).

For me, blogging is an outlet. At first, it started as a way to memorlize the year for the boys (there are sites where you can upload your blog and turn it into a book)and still is, very much, that. However, I have found that I can share a thought, a recipe or a craft idea and it inspires, or it creates a conversation, in turn, someone lets me in on a new recipe or craft idea. I love that! I love that we can all share an idea that makes our domistic life a little better. I love that I can write about what is going on in my life, then a far away friend can read about it and the next time we chat on the phone they are all caught up.

If anything, it is my hope that whatever I write, it is meaningful, kind and inspring and in no way makes someone feel less. I would hope that my blog would open the door for others to write their own blog and share their life with me. I love that we are all connected through art, food and crafts.

Thanks to all those who read my silly posts, have ordered my fiber crafts and have left their kind comments. I am looking forward to another year of blogging and crafting. I can't wait to see where 2010 is going to lead me. I also hope to read new blogs in 2010 from friends who decide to join the blogging family. Happy Beautiful, Blogging.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-16T21:43:00.000-08:00

Mini Meltdowns

2009-12-15T21:29:00.000-08:00

Saturday, I had a meltdown. It is not something I do. I don't throw fits and I don't meltdown. However, Saturday was an exception. I flippen lost it...we woke up to ANTS...not just a few a whole fricken ant farm moved into our downstairs kitchen. What a mess. Hubs cleaned up most of the mess...ant carcasses and all. But they just would not die. The little buggers! I ended up cleaning up the second mess. Sorry no photos...given my frame of mind, grabbing a camera to mark the event was not gonna happen. The smell of the ant spray was making me cough (yes, I am sick again with some other virus given to me by my wonderful kindergartener) I have a sore throat and my ears hurt again...I freaked....I was slamming cupboard doors... one actually fell off and hit me in the head. At which point...I just went bonkers. Luckily, the boys were upstairs playing. Hubs came downstairs and was just dumbstruck.

Hubs: "How the hell did the cabinet door "just fall off" Christy?"

Me: "um, I dunno I slammed it and it fell."

Hubs: "Christy, a cabinet door does not just "fall off" you ripped it off."

NOTE: I really did not rip the door off...I seriously...slammed it and it fell. It was hanging by a nail, I swear.

I started laughing...then crying...then laughing...then sobbing...it was nuts.

Hubs is good. He just laughed the whole thing off. Told me to go shopping and he would clean up the mess. He also said that now would be good time to replace the kitchen. FINALLY! I have been waiting a long time to update our very outdated kitchen.

Saturdays events led us to IKEA. I have had a love affair with IKEA since the days of my living abroad in Hungary. About a year after I moved to Budapest, an IKEA store opened up. I had only ever heard of the store via catalogs and only because of my very fashionable and worldy, Aunt Susan who had introduced me to the brand back in the 80's. It was so new, clean and fresh. If anyone has ever been to Budapest back in the 90's you will know that the city was pretty drab back then. There still was not much western influences. IKEA was like going home for an afternoon.

In any event, I have decided that our little beach condo needs an IKEA kitchen. So off hubs and I went to Palo Alto to go see what we could find. I have had an idea of what I want for the kitchen for awhile. I am always browsing in magazines, clipping what I like and what I think will work for our little 9 by 9 kitchen. I want bohemian, clean, lots of work space, open, chef's style, cottage kitchen. Does that make any sense? I want it to be the pulse of the house without it being boring, dull, cookie cutter or condo-ish. I found what I am looking for and we will place the order in March when they have the their huge kitchen sale event. Well, that is all for now...nothing too thought provoking or deep...mama just needs a new kitchen!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

The reason I breath, the reason I live, the reason I love!

Decking the Halls

2009-12-06T21:04:00.000-08:00

It's official...the Christmas holidays are in full swing. Every December hubs is gone for the first half of the month. In some ways it is kinda hard, however, by December 20th he is off for the holidays until January 4th. I can live with that and so can the boys. Meanwhile, I fill up our calendar with all sorts of Christmas activities. We went to the Lighted Boat Parade last night at the Harbor in Santa Cruz. Unfortuneately, I did not take my camera. I lost my SD card. I got a new one today. Then this morning we went to Seymore Marine Lab for Jingle Shells. We saw some sea creatures and made some ornaments. It is fun to take the boys out and hear them ooh and ahh at all the Christmas decorations. Owen is totally into the holiday this year. He says "ho, ho, ho...Merry Christymas!" It cracks me up.

Here are some random photos of all the decorating that I have been doing this past week.

Our tree. We got a live Noble Fir. We usually, use our fake Noble Fir. It is 6ft and I just did not have the room for it this year.

The Mantle.

I love using Jett's artwork.

I made this wreath today with my friend, Stevie, who also happens to be my neighbor. She is a professional florist. She was kind enough to let me do my own thing. I am sure she was laughing the whole time...cuz, I just stuck branches in here and there and then used my handy, dandy, glue gun. The pine cones and moss I collected on one of our family hikes, I then spray painted them gold and tucked them in the wreath.

Outside out front door. I have been watching a lot of Tracy Porter videos the past couple of weeks getting some decorating tips and inspiration. I love the imperfect, natural and quirky appeal this "vinette" gives.

Jett and I still have more to do...over the next couple of days. He loves to decorate as much as I do, and I really do try to let him have a hand in it...but it is also a little challenging...since his "6 year old" style and my "adult" style differ...but this year his tastes are maturing a little and he is willing to take a step back and really participate with me, and ask me what I think. He made snowflakes this afternoon and placed them in the tree. I just know that one day his house is going to be decked out at the holidays! That's what it's all about anyway.

Jett's Snowflakes.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-02T19:54:00.000-08:00

Me and my adorable cousin Ben.

Kierstin Testorff, Me, Amanda Allison and Kim Gray.

Fun, Flirty and Forty!

2009-11-30T18:37:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I turned 40! I cannot believe that I am actually, forty now. It seems kinda strange and normal at the sametime.

Dear hubs and my mama friend, Kim Parmelee threw a birthday bash for me at a club here in Aptos, CA called Verve Lounge. I have been going there throughout the year for various events. It seemed fitting to have my 40th there. My cousin Kim Deruloo Gray came up for the weekend. She arrived on Friday night. We went to see New Moon. It was great. It played out pretty much like the book. It was a fun way to kick off the weekend.

Saturday was all about primping for the party. We got pedi/mani's then went and did some retail therapy, then there was sushi for lunch at my favorite sush spot Pink Godzilla. The rest of the day we spent getting ready....

Getting ready! Does it get better than this?!

The next Fourty Year Olds! My cousin Kim and a good friend from high school days, Marcella Mendoza

Stolle.

Getting ready to leave the house.

Me, Kim Parmelee and Kimmie!

The yummy food. We still have leftovers!

Cousin Ben's adorable Girlfriend and our friend Amanda Allison and my beautiful cousin Kimmie.

Lots of great friends...Amanda, Kim, Me, Kim P., Selena, Marcella, Monique and Traci. Some of the best women I know!

Kim and Chris

And more pictures of the night.....

DJ Stoney, The Trukee Tribe Band...and the caterer, singing Happy Birthday!

Then came the dancing....

A tired and happy 40 year old!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-30T11:03:00.000-08:00

There is much going on here in our little Capitola Village by the Sea. Everyone is in a festive mood. Lots of our friends in the neighborhood are staying home this holiday season. It makes it more fun. I am smelling lots of wood fires, yummy foods cooking in kitchens, friends and neighbors chatting around the condo complex. I just love this time of year and I love our little community of friends.

This year hubs and I decided to change things up a bit for Thanksgiving. Instead of going about it in a traditional way. We have opted to stay home and create a Thanksgiving Day with just our little family, us and the boys. I made Sage Stuffing (some of it will be used for the Turkey Leftover Stuffing Meat Loaf that I make) roasted and pureed a pumpkin for Pumpkin Curry Soup that I made today as well as some other trimmings. I will post all recipes over at Capitola Recipes.

We played "Pin the Hat on the Turkey" The boys got a kick out of daddy and I being blindfolded.

Our results. Um...dad's hat did not quite make it on the turkey.

Unfortunately, I got sick this week. I have had a hard time staying healthy this year. I got really sick earlier in the year and I have not been the same since. I keep battling ear infections. In any event, don't really want to bore anyone...I was able to rest inbetween preparations. The boys are at an age when they understand about holidays and as long as I keep it festive they really do not care how it is presented. At school Jettson has been learning about the First Thanksgiving. He understands what it means to be thankful. I asked him what he was thankful for and he said, "I am thankful for you mom." I asked him why he was thankful for me. He said "oh, just because you do nice things for us." It was a sweet response.

We colored our own placemats. I think that daddy was having the boys make birthday cards for mommy. Owen had a blast with some squiggly eyes, that is what is on his forehead.

What a goofy child!

While the boys did arts and crafts...I was busy roasting our bird. I finally, got the right size bird and used the right rub and basting. I have roasted a turkey so many ways, fried it, brined it, stuffed it, smoked it. I am finding just being simple is really the best for me and hubs and boys gave it a huge thumbs up. I made a paste (a whole cube of butter, salt, pepper, poultry seasoning...that was it!) and rubbed the bird down with it. I let it cook for three hours at 325. I did not open the oven the whole time. At hour three I took a peek and basted the bird. At hour 4 1/2 I took another peek, basted again...then uncovered the bird for the remander of the time (6 hours for a 15 1/2 lb bird). I let the bird rest for about 1/2 hour.

After dinner we took a walk at Pogonip in Santa Cruz, CA. I did not take my camera. If you live in the area and you have never taken a walk in Pogonip I highly reccomend it! It is a great place to take kids. The trail is paved which means little feet are able to stay on the trail without getting into brush.

We finished off the evening with pumpkin pie, movies and games. It was a great holiday. One of our best. It was simple and quiet.

They love playing games.

A Bit of Attention

2009-11-19T14:57:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to play more with the boys. We go a lot and we do a lot, but I always find myself avoiding playtime. Their idea of play (sword fights) is not my idea of play (knitting). Thankfully, I know I am not the only parent who feels this way. Play is exhausting. It is fun work for the kids, not (always) so much fun for the parents. The boys needs a lot of the time go before my own. Part of it is because of their age. For example, yesterday I should have gotten my butt to the gym...but at the last minute before I was suppose to go...Owen got out some cars and was gently running them up and down my neck, then he would give me a big kiss on my cheek. At that very moment I could have said..."not now Owen, we have to go...so mommy can go work out her flabby a$$" or I could just forget what "I" wanted to do and let Owen continue his fun. I decided on the latter.

Owen did this little game for about 20-30 min. All I could thik about in that moment was a quote from "HOOK" one of my all time favorite movies (if you have never seen it...rent it and watch over the Thanksgiving holiday. It is a wonderful film with Robin Williams). It's the scene where Peter (aka Pan) is on his cell phone talking business, his kids want a bit of his attention. His wife Moira (after throwing Peter's cell phone out the window) says, "I'm sorry about your deal." Peter says, "You hated the deal." AND THIS IS THE MEMORABLE QUOTE THAT I REPEAT TO MYSELF AND HUBS ALL THE TIME: Moira says, "I hated the deal, but I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you, they want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast Peter. It's a few years, and it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it." I DON'T EVER WANT TO MISS IT! SO...the gym was put off yet again. I know there is going to come a day when I am going to be running around for the boys attention.

This afternoon, I have been building pirate's ships and Star Wars spaceships out of Legos with Jettson. I told hubs a few days ago, as I was caught up in Lego Land, that this is what it must be like for Dad's who have daughters to be sitting around playing Barbies. The only difference is...I actually like building Lego scenes with the boys. Then I think..."this won't last long and I don't want to miss it."

Tabs, Talent and Trouble

2009-11-17T09:45:00.000-08:00

I have finally linked my tabs. Now I have to write and organize my topics. Whew! This has been a learning curve for me. Up to this point I have never written html.code. I found a good turtoial on how to make tabs here is the link for anyone wanting to add tabs go to bloggersentral. For some, this stuff comes super easy. For me it is always a work in progress. I really, have no idea what I am doing. However, I have this BIG idea and I am trying to get it all laid out. This whole blog thing cracks me up, because it is very much like my life, I have these BIG ideas, but not a clue how to make it happen.

I really can't write either...I just write what I think, I write the way I talk. My grammer is atrocious. When I'm writing and I have a grammer question, or something is not coming out right, I always scold myself for not paying more attention in English class. Not that it's too late to learn better writing grammer...it's just a time factor. I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-always-a-day-late-&-a-dollar-short, kinda gal! I have a little pride in my self proclaimed title, as I have earned it, lol. I am always trying to fit too much in, which always gets me into trouble. I have always written, in a journal, on scraps of paper and now my laptop. It just comes spilling out without a whole lot of organization. I have this need to write, to create. I have no idea what it means, but it makes me happy, and if for some reason someone else happens upon it, and it makes them happy, then that was all it was meant to accomplish.

I am not really great at any one thing, I wish I was. I have lots of interests and I am very curious. I am curious about people, life, and art. I have a great appreciation for others who are talented. I am always amazed at the beauty that others create. Talent is wonderful. I think all of us have some sort of talent that we just need to tap into. I am finding that is what this blog world is for. I am always impressed with others amazing talents and accomplishments, via blogs. It seems to me, that our "instant" world, has left us starved for beauty and art. We also have been pressured to do things perfectly. I am not perfect. I do not do anything perfectly. For those who, like my hubs, are a Type A person, would just cringe at the thought of something not being done perfectly. I find beauty in imperfection. Hubs, is always getting a good laugh at my imperfections, and sometimes, those imperfect meals, or scarves, or hats, or holiday themescapes...even impress him!